Monthly Archives: October 2014

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songs

19 Songs That Are More Catchy Than Ebola

 I don’t know if you heard but the zombie apocalypse has started down in Dallas. Man alive! I hate Tony Romo so much. The Ebola virus is here in America folks and it’s a big deal. Just ask Fox News. They will tell you! So to get your mind off of you dying a painful death pretty soon, I came up with a list a songs that are more catchy than Ebola……and some that are a lot more painful. That way before you turn into a walker (Walking Dead joke!) you can have the band Aqua in your head.
YMCA by The Village People
 We start off with a classic. The song is so good and fun to sing that we don’t even really listen to any other parts besides them spelling YMCA. The whole middle part is about them inviting dudes over to the YMCA locker room for what can only be described as a very long and a very naked steam shower. The only things might be more catchy than this song might be only found at the YMCA.
We Are The Champions by Queen
 Not sure what they are the champions of but this song is so fun to sing at bars when you win at pool. Not so much fun for the other person, but fuck them.This song will never be heard at a Cubs game.
Simply The Best by Tina Turner
 Kind of like Queen not sure what Tina think she was “better than all the rest” at…..I mean it can’t be music. Maybe acting? She did kill it in Thunder Dome!
Butterfly by Aqua
 I got a Aqua song on here and it isn’t Barbie Girl?! Yes and if you never heard this song before you will see why and wonder how in the hell were Aqua one hit wonders. The song itself sounds like a poor man’s Enter The Ninja by Ant Woord. Which is kind of bullshit cause Butterfly came out first…….but whatever.
I Love You by Barney & This Old Man by Some D-Bag.
 So the best thing about writing for Face The Music is that I get to find some real random songs like I Love You. I haven’t heard this song since I was a kid………DUDE!!!!! BARNEY IS A RIP-OFF! It’s just This Odd Man with different lyrics! Like WTF?! I thought Barney was all about imagination?

Runaway Train by Soul Asylum
 The soundtrack to the 90’s would have this hit on it.
Fun Fact: Soul Asylum made song named Runaway Bus that was on Speed’s soundtrack.
Superstar by Toybox
 Who? It’s Toybox! You know them! They had that song. You know! This one! It’s about them being superstars and being rich! Well if you don’t know them,swing by the Target near Atlanta cause that is where they work now.
Diddley-Dee by The Cartoons
 Oh it can get worse………Diddley-Dee is like Cotton Eye Joe if Joe had a huge meth problem.

Witch Doctor by The Cartoons
 They’re back!!!!!! Before I made this list I had no clue who these dudes were but now I think of them as one of the greatest things that ever happened to music and to mankind. Thank you Cartoons for sharing your gift with all of us.
Poundcake by Jay-T
 Ok I’m sorry but this song is way better than the food it’s named after. I just like how angry he is. JUST GIVE HIM SOME GOD DAMN POUNDCAKE! Nobody else likes it.
Mickey by Toni Basil
 Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey!
“OTHER LYRICS NOBODY KNOWS”
Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey!
“SOME BULLSHIT”
Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey!
“……………………”
Heyayayay by He-Man
 If you have 10 hours to waste watch this……also get a fucking job.
You Don’t Know Me by Ray Charles
 The first slow jam of the list. Mr.Charles is crying about some bitch (who was probably ugly as hell by the way. I mean how could he know?” during this song but man it’s great.
Fun Fact: You might know Ray Charles from his role in the movie Booty Call.
Christmas Don’t Be Late by The Chipmunks
 Someone should really buy the Chipmunks a calendar. Christmas is on the same date every year you dumb rats. Well I guess if they were that smart they would ask for something better than a hoolahoop……I mean hello! PS4!
Hot In Here by Nelly
 Every list I make Nelly always finds a way to get on them. Hot In Here is of course from his best album ever Now That’s What I Call Music VOL. 11
Dominick The Donkey by God
 If the list was most underrated songs ever this would be number 1. The plot doesn’t really make any sense but you cares you will be singing it until Christmas 2034.
Unforgettable by Nat King Cole and Natalie “Princess” Cole
 The King!
Fun Fact: King Cole and Sam Cooke were like besties
The Duck Song by A Duck (#duh)
 A f’n classic!!!!!! The number of views on this video will make you question life
*also look out for The Duck Song 2 on the side!
Friday by Rebecca Black
 I’m no doctor but this song has to a lot like brain cancer. You can’t just get it out of your head and you know it’s killing you. I’m 100% sure a 6 year old wrote this song but man did they do a great job! The song makes everyday feel like Friday! It also makes you look like a asshole when you’re singing it.
Rebecca Black loves this song just cause Fridays are the only day she has off from working the corner for coke money.
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Songs That Are Scary Awful

Happy Halloween! Halloween is right up there with Christmas for the best holiday songs, but none of those songs are really scary. So I made a list of songs that are so scary they will make the guests at your Halloween party want to leave.
Oh yea, by the way I probably should mention that these songs are only scary cause they so awful. So here is list of the most scary awful songs ever.

My Humps by The Black Eyed Peas:
This song marked the end of The Black Eyed Peas being a pretty cool group and mark the start of them being a black eye to music. The song is about some whore singing about having herpes.

Somebody’s Watching Me by Rockwell
A lot closer to being a Halloween song than My Humps however it’s also a lot worse. The more I hear this song it sounds more and more like wishful thinking by Rockwell and less like fear. Sorry dude nobody has or ever wanted to watch you do anything.
Fun fact about this “song”. You may hear Michael Jackson in the chorus but he isn’t credited……….let me repeat that. The man who had sex with children didn’t want his name on this song.

Come Alive by Paris Hilton
I didn’t even know this song was a thing until it come up on every worst song ever made list that I looked up while making this. She has billions of dollars! You would think that type of money would help you make a ok song. Also I wonder if she thought “come” was only spelled with a “U” in it. #hehe

Red Red Wine by UB40
Red Red Wine is trash but fun fact about UB40! UB40 was in the movie Speed 2! Like for real. They also got killed off in that movie. Maybe the director was acting out some dream of his.

Who Let The Dogs Out by Baha Men
The song should be called Who Let This Shit Out. The fact that the Baha men had a full album of like 18 tracks seems like a crime. The sad part is that this song was probably the best one on the album. I’m just guessing cause nobody ever got it. We never got a answer on who did it! I’m guessing it was the same dude who killed O.J’s wife. The killer strikes again!!

The Secret by Lafear A.K.A Dirty Black
Damn girl damn! This is some shit right here. Lafear kills it on this track! By “it” I mean that thing he called a career. I would like to point that if you’re a hardcore rapper maybe don’t rock a Goonies shirt during the video. Remember if you don’t like Lafear music “You a bitch” ENJOY!

The Karate Rap by………..Ninjas? I’m guessing
The Karate Rap will make you hate the word karate. It sounds like they were at gun point while “rapping”. The song gets a black belt in awful.

Grillz and Air Force Ones by Nelly
Making songs about accessories is never good but that was Nelly thing in the early 2000’s. I just laugh when I think of Nelly asking the other dudes on the track to make lyrics for a song about shoes. I got to say the real reason why Air Force Ones is on here is because of the lack of Harrison Ford jokes in the song. I MEAN COME ON MAN!!!!!!! You could have ended the song by saying “GET OFF MY PLANE!”

Some Nights by Fun
“Hey that song was pretty sweet!”: Joshua after hearing Some Nights for the first time.
“I wish I was dead.” Joshua after hearing Some Nights for the 15,783rd time in a week.
The song made the name of the band more and more ironic every time it played.

Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus
This might have been the first one hit wonder I remember as a kid. I recall making a tape that was just this song……BOTH SIDES! I even made a “music video” on that cheap computer I had. What in the hell was wrong with me? Things like that makes me wish I had a time machine so I can go back and stop myself for being such a asshole.

Party In The USA by Miley Cyrus
Like father like whore daughter, as the old saying goes. Now this is before Miley went full slut but this song sucks a lot of dick. I can’t even start to tell you want it’s about. Is she nervous about something? Then why is there a party in The USA? Also what Jay-Z song makes you feel better? I swear this song is way The ISIS hates America so much and I really can’t blame them.

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The 5 Worst People in Music History

You ever hear a song and wonder “Wow someone got paid for this?!” Listen there is a lot of bad music out there but who stole the most money without being good at all? Well think no more! Here is the top (or bottom) 5 of all time!

5. Clay Aiken
This deformed Barry Manilow loser started his music career off by losing (no shock being that he is a loser) to Ruben Studdard (aka the deformed Forest Whitaker) in the second season of American Idol. He went on to guest star in a episode of Scrubs and have a song on Now  That’s What I Call Music VOL……78 I think. But was sued by everyone cause they said “THAT IS NOT WHAT I CALL MUSIC!”
He came out of the closet which was as big as of a shock as the sun rising. He now looks like he is a game show host that has given up on life….so I guess he looks like Clay Aiken.

Where is Clay trying out for the role of The Joker
Here is Clay trying out for the role of The Joker

4. J-Kwon
Mr.Kwon is from the 567th best city in the world St.Louis. He is known for his hit song Tipsy. We all liked that song. It was so great. Everybody in the club is getting Tipsy! Or some shit. Remember?! Well that was the highlight of Dr.Kwon’s career. There is a lot of people that would have killed for that to be their highlight also there is a lot of people that would like to have killed J-Kwon if that song came on one more time. I lived in Philly at the time and they played it once every 45 seconds it seemed like. If I lived in St.Louis I may have drove my car off a cliff cause they probably thought J-Kwon was the second coming of Christ a.k.a Nelly.
In 2010 his record label didn’t hear from him and they thought he may have killed himself. (That’s 100% true btw look it up!) My only question WHY IN THE HELL DID THEY WANT TO HEAR FROM J-KWON?! That’s like asking a doctor to stop your chemotherapy cause you haven’t seen any signs of cancer in the past few years and would like to see some again.

3. Iggy Azalea
The albino Nicki Minaj is the only one of the first 3 who still makes music. I’m just guessing that Clay Aiken and J-Kwon are dead or something. She has great songs that we all know and love like Pu$$y,Fuck Love and New Bitch.
Iggy dates NBA superstar…….well lets say NBA star……well lets say basketball guy Nick Young. Her real name is Amethyst Amelia Kelly but uses the name Iggy Azalea which is Spanish for “change the radio station”.

Fun Fact: Iggy is daughter of Powder
Fun Fact: Iggy is daughter of Powder

2. The Grateful Dead

The Awful Dead makes the list for just a couple of reasons. First their fans make me hate the band so much more. I just feel like their fans don’t like the music (I mean anyone with hearing can’t like this shit) but just say they do cause each song just reminds them and gives them a reason to do LSD or whatever drug they can do to get their minds off of the fact that they are at a Grateful Dead concert. What I’m saying is that people don’t go to a concert to hear a favorite song but go cause when they think of The Dead they think it’s time to get high.
The second reason got to be Jerry Garcia. I just made a list of the most overrated things ever. (IT’S A MUST READ!) Somehow I forgot to add this overrated fuck on it. Besides having a ice cream named after him he didn’t do shit. Only god damn losers think he really did anything for music. I should make a list of people that I’m glad are dead he would be number #8 right under Jesus Christ but above Hitler.

1. Maroon 5
Look up all of those great Nickelback jokes…..go ahead I give you a second….ok now take out the word Nickelback and replace it with Maroon 5 and tell me the joke still isn’t true. Hey when Maroon 5 started off I thought to myself “Hey these dudes could be the next Weezer.” but then Adam Levine noticed he was better looking than the average man and Maroon 5 became a O-Town with guitars.
I saw somewhere that Casey Anthony drove her car into the water cause This Love was on the radio. I mean it’s probably true. The fact is that they have made/stolen millions of dollars cause they all got “moves like Jagger” which I can only guess means they tricked people into thinking that they’re good just like The Rolling Stones did.

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Hello St.Louis!

Oh hey! How are you guys out in the music world doing tonight? Just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Joshua. The world’s biggest Kesha fan. You might be thinking “Hey? Why should I care about this dude’s opinion about music?” I tell you why!!!!!!!…………..in weekly articles about the most random things in music. So lets take this crazy train (#musicpun) ride together.  It’s going to be a fun ride St.Louis I hope you’re ready. But lets get some great travel music going.

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Welcome to Joshua’s Corner

Joshua Proctor was a guest on the Face the Music STL show and is a big supporter of our team. We wanted to show our appreciation for him and he now has his own corner on our site.

Please support his writing, as well as his other outlets he writes at. I’m sure he will be by very soon to share his funny and interesting posts with all of the Face the Music STL crowd very shortly.

Please give Joshua a big FTM STL welcome!

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