All posts by Joshua Proctor

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Joshua’s Favorite TV Themes ever

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What makes a good show great? Having a awesome theme song! Just look at Lost. That show was pretty……Ok, Lost sucked. Here is Joshua’s list of his favorite theme songs ever and as always if you don’t agree you can go fuck yourself.

WKRP in Cincinnati:
I don’t even remember what this show was even really about but I do remember watching this show when I was home cause I was “sick” and couldn’t go to school.
 I think 1380 should cover the theme. I found the full song for you. If you don’t like it then you’re a liar or deaf.

 
The Rockford Files:
Hey! It’s the dude from The Notebook! Rockford was my brother’s favorite show so that means that I hated every second of it. However the first 2 minutes I did enjoy jamming out to this tune. I like how the music matches up great of video of Rockford getting his ass kicked.

Sesame Street:
Sunny days are here. The song is a bit outdated now cause you don’t need to sing a song to find out where a street is, you can just use your phone. I do find it funny how nobody answers this chick. Help her! She needs to buy some drugs from Oscar.

 
Charles in Charge:
A male nanny?! Sure ok……Charles in Charge was on tv for a long time for some reason. My only guess is a lot of that is due to the ratings the show got when it started every week. The song is great.

The Sopranos:
If you ever needed a song to get you pump to smash someone’s head in with a pipe this was it. The Sopranos was a iconic show. It also give me the cool idea that anything that has the letter “r” in it I can spell it with a gun. A lot of people knock the last episode for just cutting to black however I think it was pretty…

The Dukes of Hazzard:
Lets get in our cars and jump over things! These good old boys knew how to have some fun. The show was the best thing for white trash/rednecks ever made. I mean man alive their car was named The General Lee! LIKE WTF?! Why in the hell would you get a car that doors can’t open?

What’s Happening!!:
This is a very loud song! You have been warned

The X-Files:
Still gives me chills. The show kind of went downhill when T-1000 took over but still one of the greatest shows in the history of t.v
*in the history of Fox shows
( I wasn’t allowed to share the X-Files theme. But look it up it’s great! Trust me!)
The Brady Bunch:
So what happened to the father and the mother of the Brady kids? You never heard from them or anything about them? Seems odd. I think they were murdered…..anyways here is a great tune!

The Greatest American Hero:
A lot of you probably never heard of The Greatest American Hero. Unless you’re thinking of Stone Cold Steve Austin. The show was trash. I dare you to watch a full episode. The theme to it however was f’n great! George even used it for his answering machine. Watch below.


 
Welcome Back Kotter:
Johnny T was in this show! This song is so great that one of the best rappers ever Mase cover it! (It was awful) Here is both of them for your listening enjoyment.


The A-Team:
If you can find them, please tell them that their theme song is great. If you can’t find them just call The B-Team. They’re easy to find and they got members like Mr.s and Head.

Night Court:
Court is never fun. But have it at night and then it’s pretty ok.

Laverne & Shirley:
These dikes were the best thing from Milwaukee ever. Their theme song is pretty catchy as well. Still not sure what they were saying in the start of it but it probably means something about strap-ons.

 
Mr. Ed:
Did you know that Mr.Ed was on tv for 5 years? How in the hell did they keep this going for 5 years? Just awful. Here is one for fact they had a spin-off called Mr.Glue. It was about talking glue. It only was around for 3 years.

Sanford & Son:
Junkyard funk at it’s best!

Knight Rider:
The last one is the best one! Knight Rider was not only at kick ass show about a cool dude with a leather jacket who drives a talking car (Who sounded a lot like the principal from Boy Meets World) but it also had the coolest theme ever! I can listen to this for 17 hours at a time. Sit back and enjoy this classic.

Well there you have it. Joshua’s favorite tv themes. If you think I forgot one or something please comment below. If you don’t like my list…..well make your own list so I can whine like a bitch about that one. THANKS!
 
 

NAME YOUR COVER BAND

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Are you making a cover band and having a hard time naming it? Just use this chart. The name on the left is the band you are covering and the right is what you should name your band. It is so simple!!!!! You’re welcome!!!!!!!!

*Some bands are on here 2 times

Kiss= Cuds
Salt n Pepa = Oregano and Basil
Rolling Stones = Stationary Rocks
Johnny Cash = Johnny Change
The Beatles = Hard Shell Bugs
Iron Maiden = Iron Milf
Nirvana = The bitch from Hole killed Kurt
The Wallflowers = Ceiling Plants
The Eagles = The Cowboys
Sam Cooke = Sam Bake
N.W.A = N.W.W.A (N-word with Attitude)
Backstreet Boys = N Sync
Weezer = Breathing Fine
Red Hot Chili Peppers = Ice Cold Banana Peppers
50 Cent = 1 Quarter,2 Dimes and a Nickel
Maroon 5 = Shit Music
Nickelback = Dimestomach
Spice Girls = Sauce Chicks
Van Halen = Overrated
Vanilla Ice = Chocolate Heat
Flo Rida = Louis Iana
One Direction = Dead End
“Weird Al” Yankovic = “Odd Allen” Pullovic
Fun = Please Stop Playing On The Radio
Jimmy Eat World = James Ate Earth
Eminem = Skittle
Insane Clown Posse =  Perfectly Sane Funny People Gang
Train = Planes and Automobiles
Milli Vanilli = Bullshit!
2 Chainz = 3 Ropez
Alicia Keys = Alicia Locks
Rod Stewart = Metal Pole Stewart
Kid Rock = I Suck At 3 Types Of Music
P!nk = Wh!te
Led Zeppelin = Lead Hindenburg
Carrie Underwood = Karrie Oversteel
Pitbull = Pitcow
The Weekend = 3 Day Weekend
Eric Church =  Eric Mosque
Whitney Houston = Dead
Aerosmith = Arrowsmith
The Killers = The Healers
Susan Boyle = Fat Bitch
Green Day = Red Week
Rage Against The Machine = Relax Against The Robot
The Black Keys = The Urban Buttons
No Doubt = I am not 100% Sure
Bruno Mars = Bo Saturn
3 Doors Down = 3 Windows Over
Carpenters = Jesus
Matchbox Twenty = Hot Wheels 30
Alabama = White Trash
Linkin Park = 1999
U2 = Me3
The Grateful Dead = The Ungrateful Living
The Police = The Band With Sting
Rush = Take Your Time
Genesis = Super Nintendo
The Beach Boys = The Sand Men
Soundgarden = Noisefield
The Who = ???????
Cream = Coffee
Guns ‘N Roses = Knifes ‘N Sunflowers
Pearl Jam = Ruby Peanut Butter
The Talking Heads = The Speaking Faces
Tool = We’re Tools
Journey = The Long Trip
Deep Purple = Shallow Blue
Living Colour = Fire Marshall Bill
Audioslave = Audio Free State
Sex Pistols = Fuck guns
The Roots = Reading Rainbow
Radiohead = Satellite Radiohead
The Cure = The Disease
Coldplay = Hotmovie
Black Eyed Peas = Lazy D.J
Kesha = A Musical Goddess

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One Direction = Many Different Ways
Soul Asylum = Walkaway Train
Ray Charles = Booty Call
Seal = Fucked Up Face
Drake = Black Jew
Village People = Town Of Gays
Kottonmouth Kings = Drymouth Queens
Barry White = BBW (Big Black White)
Rage Against The Machine = Mad V.S The Robot
The Oak Ridge Boys = White Trash
Fastball = Curveball
Baha Men = We Let The Dogs Out
Bryan Adams = Forgive me
Barry Manilow = Music For Mandy
Tyga = Lie-In
Abba = Cadabra
Tina Turner = Thunderdome
Randy Newman = Woody’s Friend
Nicki Minaj = Star Ships For Hoes
Sisqo = Who? The Dude Who Had That Thong Song. Oh Yea Him
John Lennon = Face Target
Beach Boys = Bay Men
Meat Loaf = Hungry Man Dinner
Boyz 2 Men = Boyz 4 Men (*This could also be used for your Jerry Sandusky cover band)
Miley Cyrus = STD
Nas = Not Jay-Z
Ozzy Osbourne = ?????? (I don’t know what he’s saying)
Juicy J = Apple Drink J
Michael Bublé = Sinatra 2.0
The Wallflowers = The Floor Trees
Taylor Swift = Crazy ex
U2 = Me As Well
The Outfield = Love Users
Skrillex = LOUD NOISES
Run D.M.C = J.O.G
Elvis Presley = Died On A Toilet
Avril Lavigne = Good Charlotte’s #1 Fan
Sam Smith = The Only One
Machine Head = Robot Blowjob
No Doubt = For Sure
Stevie Wonder = 1 Blind Mouse
Culture Club = Bathhouse Club
Janis Ian = I Peaked At 17
George Strait = Mad Bitches In Texas
Sara Bareilles = I Pick You
Bon Jovi = Band Of Roses
Hoobastank = Hobosmell
The Rolling Stones = The Poor Man’s Beatles
Wiz Khalifa = I’m Dat Dude
Crash Test Dummies = Buckle Up
The Jackson 5 = A Famous Person and His Bros
NSYNC = J.T, A Gay Astronaut and 3 Other Guys
White Zombie = Black Walker
The Hives = Where Bees Live
Wheatus = Middle Age Dirt Bags
Bowling For Soup = Curling For Chili
Blue October = Red August
Blues Traveler = Going To A Blues Game #LGB
Nelly = There Is A Cut On My Face!
Celine Dion = Titanic
Katy Perry = Katy’s Pretty Big Tits
Chumbawamba = PLEASE GO AWAY!
Dope = Legalize It!
Bloodhound Gang = Golden Retriever Herd
Hanson = We Swear We’re Boys
Queen = We Also Swear We’re Boys
Soulja Boy = How Do You Spell Soldier
Cyndi Lauper = Women Just Want To Rest
David Bowie = Throw Some Bowies
Bangles = Sunday Funday
Will Smith = Seven Pounds Of Fresh Prince
Boston = Our Race Is The Bomb
MC Hammer = I Need Money
J-Kwon = Fake I.D
Sixpence None The Richer = Dawson’s Favorite Band
Whithey Houston = O.D
Kool And The Gang = Kool-Aid Guy and His Friends

I hope this helped you. Please comment below also check out the links

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Why Did They Make This?

Anyone can have a music album. No? Well how do you explain this list of trash?

David Hasselhoff
David Hasselhoff

 

 

Ryan Gosling
Ryan Gosling

 

Cory Feldman
Cory Feldman

 

Clint Eastwood
Clint Eastwood

 

Bruce Willis
Bruce Willis

Robert Downey JR
Robert Downey JR

 

Zooey Deschanel
Zooey Deschanel

 

Tony Danza
Tony Danza

 

Jeff Daniels
Jeff Daniels

 

Joe Pesci
Joe Pesci

 

Russell Crowe
Russell Crowe

 

Kevin Costner
Kevin Costner

 

The Olsen Twins
The Olsen Twins

 

Leonard Nimoy
Leonard Nimoy

 

Dudley Moore
Dudley Moore

 

Marilyn Monroe
Marilyn Monroe

 

Macho Man Randy Savage
Macho Man Randy Savage

 

Scarlett Johansson
Scarlett Johansson

 

Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Love Hewitt

 

Don Johnson
Don Johnson

 

Andy Griffith
Andy Griffith

 

Steven Seagal
Steven Seagal

 

Keanu Reeves
Keanu Reeves

 

Burt Reynolds
Burt Reynolds

 

Billy Bob Thornton
Billy Bob Thornton

 

Billy Bob Thornton
Billy Bob Thornton

 

Patrick Swayze
Patrick Swayze

 

William Shatner
William Shatner

 

Shaq
Shaq

 

Stephen Collins
Stephen Collins

 

Chris Burke
Chris Burke
Jeff Bridges
Jeff Bridges

 

Eddie Murphy
Eddie Murphy

 

Wayne Brady
Wayne Brady

 

Danny Bonaduce
Danny Bonaduce

 

Scott Baio
Scott Baio

 

Kevin Bacon
Kevin Bacon

 

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Joshua’s Favorite Disney Songs

From The Lion King to Toy Story, Disney has a lot of great songs that we all know and love. Here is a list of my favorites. If you disagree……well you can go Hakuna Matata yourself.

You’ve Got A Friend In Me:
The thing that makes song so fun is Randy Newman’s voice. It makes you feel that you can also sing. Also I like this song cause it makes people think that Tom Hanks and Tim Allen are friends. There is no chance in hell that Mr.Gump is friends with Joe Somebody.
Bear Necessities:
Hey it’s the bear from Tail Spins! Bear Necessities is just one great song! I can really relate to it as well. Like I eat ants all the time. Looking back on this movie kind of makes me question the “friendship” between Blaoo and his boy slave but whatever a bear needs to do what a bears needs to do, I guess.
Hakuna Matata:
The best thing Billy Crystal has ever done! I can’t start to tell you how much this song helped me out in my life. Like that one time I hit someone with my car and took off. When the police told me that the woman died and asked me why I ran, I said “HAKUNA MATATA!”. We had a good laugh and I served 15 years in jail.
Heigh Ho:
The hardest working men in Disney. These 7 little people made a great song about their favorite way to say hello to Snow White.
Under The Sea:
“Listen to me. The human world, it’s a mess.” Sebastian is a great promoter. He made me want to live under the sea. Detroit should hire him, so that people would want to move there. They new slogan could be “Detroit is the bubbles!” and by bubbles I mean shit.
Let It Go:
I got to be honest if you. I have never saw Frozen or want to see it. However I got to say this song is f’n great! I don’t even know or care what the other lyrics are. I just wait until I can yell LET IT GOOOOOOOOO!. I’m 30 by the way.
A Whole New World:
Aladdin taking his bitch for a ride.  I wondered what Aladdin is up to now. He’s probably enjoying his life leading The ISIS
*Fun fact: Aladdin is voiced by D.J’s boyfriend from Full House.
Circle Of Life:
One more for The King! Circle Of Life is a great song but the title of the song doesn’t really match this video. I don’t think a monkey and a lion would ever be friends. I’m calling bullshit! It’s one of my favorite Elton John songs…….I don’t who in the hell this whore singing is.
When You Wish Upon A Star:
I’m a real boy! I never got into Pinocchio. The whole plot seems a bit off to me. We got some old dude making little boy sex dolls and then one of his wet dreams comes to life when one turns into a real boy? That’s sick! I guess it really doesn’t matter who you are when you wish upon a star. #Sandusky
Ugly Bug Ball:
Here’s a random one for you. Not even sure what’s this from but it’s great. I think Cee Lo Green should check out this ball. The dude looks like a ugly beetle.
I said "forget you"! You damn bug.
I said “forget you”! You damn bug.

Never Smile At a Crocodile:
Christopher Walken hates crocodiles!

A Goofy Movie’s soundtrack:
A Goofy Movie is probably one of the most underrated Disney movies ever. Not sure why. I mean it won like 87 Oscars! (Not sure about that number) here is 3 great songs. Eye to Eye, Stand Out and On The Open Road. Enjoy!


Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo:
You know listening to these songs back to back like this, make me realize that most of these songs just make up words. Walt Disney was just a poor man’s Dr. Seuss
The World Greatest Criminal Mind:
Love this song! The Great Mouse Detective only had 2 songs like this on it’s soundtrack. The other songs were just background music. But hey when you have such a classic like this who gives a shit about the other shit you have on your shity soundtrack.
*Fun Fact: The dude singing is Edward Scissorhands father.

Oogie Boogie Song:
I can’t even start to tell you how hard it was not to fill this list with Nightmare Before Christmas songs. So I just picked this one. I like Oogie Boogie…..still not sure what he is. Maybe a potato bag or something? Also is he some type of casino owner? But he sure can sing! The thing I like most about Nightmare is that it’s one of the few Tim Burton movies that doesn’t show his gay love he has for Johnny Depp
Well there you have it! Please keep in mind that this is called “Joshua’s Favorite Disney Songs” and not ” Some Random Asshole’s Favorite Disney Songs” so please don’t flip out if you don’t see one of your favorites on here but please comment below to tell me your list.
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Easy New Year’s Resolutions

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Hello there! Welcome to 2015! The year of you. Like most people you probably made some type of resolution. Also like most people you probably will give-up on it by the 7th. Well worry no more! Here are some easy resolutions you can have this year. Your welcome!

I will take a shower at least once a month
I will drive by a gym every day on my way to KFC
I will not shoot anyone this year (Darren Wilson is using this one!)
I will buy all of Kesha’s albums
I will stop smoking but start smoking meth
I will only spend $4000 on porn this year
I will stop drinking…….on Tuesdays
I will get rid of my David Hasselhoff Pandora channel
He's huge!  *Huge in Germany
He’s huge!
*Huge in Germany
I will learn how to spell mispelled
I will promise not to punch that annoying neighbor in his stupid face. FUCK YOU TED!
I will buy a fish and not eat it this time
I will stop trying to use normal stamps to buy food
Yo, I will stop starting my sentences with yo
I will throw out all of my Limp Bizkit shirts
I will finally do a whole connected the dots all by myself
I always get lost after 14
I always get lost after 14
I will stop acting like I live in London and drive on the right ride
I will travel more…..like to and from my bedroom
I will learn how to play the triangle
I will stop calling bitches dumb whores. LIKE TED’S DUMB WHORE WIFE
I will read a book
I will lie about reading a book
I will stop drinking R.C cola cause it’s not 1979 anymore
Liquid lead
Liquid lead
I will not burn any churches down…..however Churches chicken might get it
I will stop crying when I watch the movie Click
I will stop using bed sheets as toilet paper
I will stop calling the suicide hotline for tips
I will learn all of the lyrics to Stupid Hoe
I will get ebola this year
I will stop retweeting ISIS
I will stop breaking people’s windows…..besides Ted’s
I will stop bringing real guns to play laser tag
I will give money to a homeless person
I will steal money from a homeless person
I will become the crazy cat lady in my town
I will change my name to Tom Hanks so people can give me Oscars
I will stop giving out used gum as gifts
I will start muti-tasking. Like I can save time if I take my naps while I’m driving
I will go a date with a real person
I will sell all of my nukes
I will use my Myspace more
I will stop cheating at Battleship
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I will stop wishing people a happy “life” day like an asshole
I will learn when to use then and than
I will be better then you
I will find Waldo
I will K.O Muhammad Ali. Or Will Smith. Whoever I see first
I will stop bowling with footballs
I will stop making mix tapes
I will try to start a zombie apocalypse
I will run more……ok power walk……..never mind
I will stop poking my Facebook friends in real life
I will look for a cure for cancer. I’m sure it’s under my sofa
I will write a poem. By write I mean steal
I will stop assuming that all hockey players are gay
I will beat Paperboy 2
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I will stop lying about people dying (R.I.P FAT JOE!)
I will try hard not to hate Ben Affleck as Batman
I will stop calling the fire department every time I get hot
I will get a Lionel Richie tattoo
I will stop making snowballs with sugar
I will eat more healthy……Pumpkin pie is good for you right?
I will make a list of resolutions. (Hey! CHECK!)
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14 Things About 2014 That Sucked

Lets review the things that sucked in 2014 and get ready for 2015 the year of Kesha!

1. LeBron James:
1. LeBron James:

What do you call person who would move from Miami to Cleveland? Answer: A idiot also LeBron James. The King thought it would be a great idea to return to his home state. He is now the 3rd biggest star in Ohio. (#1 Johnny Football #2 Drew Carry)

2. ISIS:
2. ISIS:
Everyone likes head. Well the ISIS love heads! ISIS took over the internet for a few months in 2014 after a few beheading videos. I watched them for their great pro-wrestling promos at the start of each one. They acted like “bad guys” from the 80’s. Also I’m still convinced that the ISIS were just huge fans of The Governor from The Walking Dead and just wanted a fish tank of heads.
3. The Dad from 7th Heaven:
3. The Dad from 7th Heaven:
In his defense Jessica Biel was really hot when she was 13.
4. Malaysia Airlines Flight 370:
4. Malaysia Airlines Flight 370:
David Copperfield made his huge return in 2014. He was trying to top his Statue Of Liberty trick and I think he did a great job!!!!!!!!
*He had Ukraine shoot the plane down for him. Sorry if I ruined the trick for you. Also David Copperfield made-up Santa and God
5. Donald Sterling:
5. Donald Sterling:

What’s the best to hide your racism? Own a NBA team. Donald got banned from the NBA for life. Which for him is only a few more weeks. So now there are 2 people banned from a league. Donald Sterling and Pete Rose. You see that betting on your team is just as bad as whipping your team.

6. Dennis Rodman:
6. Dennis Rodman:

Man a bad year for basketball….. D-Rod flew to North Korea to play basketball for some reason with Kim Jong Un. The North Korea Post reported that the game was a close one. The final score was 168-0. Kim Jon Un aka Jordan 2.0

7. Ebola:
7. Ebola:
Tony Romo was the second worst thing in Dallas in 2014. But don’t worry Tony, I think you will be back a top in 2015!
8. Robin Williams:
8. Robin Williams:

R.I.P Popeye. The Genie probably wishes he could change one of those “rules” now. For real I will miss Robin Williams, he was really great in Old Dogs.

9. Kim Kardashian's butt:
9. Kim Kardashian’s butt:
Adding #breaktheinternet to a picture of your ass doesn’t break the internet. Kim must think she’s Kesha or something. If you really want to break the internet just break up with your second biggest ass you have.
*Mr.West
10. Happy:
10. Happy:

If I hear this song one more time I swear I’m going to go on a mass shooting. This shit was up for a Oscar! A Oscar?! I mean come one! Only great people win Oscars. Like Three 6 Mafia and Eminem.

11. The Expendables 3:
11. The Expendables 3:

Remember those ISIS videos I was talking about? This was a lot harder to watch.

12. Bill Cosby:
12. Bill Cosby:
One more childhood hero of Joshua is ruined. Dr.Huxtable must have gave out a lot of day after pills back in the day! I feel like with all of that free Jell-0 and Kodak products he got for free made for a lot of really sick sex photos.
I hope I never find out that Sinbad or Jerry Seinfeld had sex.
13. Beating people in your family:
13. Beating people in your family:
Hey we all hate our families sometimes. But punching your wife in the face (on video) or beating your son with a stick isn’t going to help any. It also doesn’t help when you’re getting paid millions of dollars to play a game. You may come off looking like a asshole. So hey Tom Brady, if you’re reading this and you really want to punch your wife or beat your kid…..just hide it better.
14. Ferguson:
14. Ferguson:

Well someone had to bring it up. It would be very hard to make any list about 2014 without having Ferguson on it. Unless if that list was named “Best Places To Live In 2014.” For those who forgot the plot. Here is what happened. A white cop shot and killed a young black teen. The details of shooting are kind of questionable. So the people of Ferguson thought they would show how much they hated the police by burning down a beauty store and a Little Caesars. FUCK THE POLICE!!!!!!

Here are some honorable mentions on things that sucked in 2014 but didn’t suck enough to make the top 14:
Maroon 5
Diet orange soda
The New York Jets
Wonder Woman
Joshua Proctor
Iowa
Books
South Korea
Kid Rock
White cops
Sorry guys!!!! But I have a great feeling that some of you will be on the 15 Things about 2015 That Sucked list……IOWA I’M LOOKING AT YOU!
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1h2

8 Facts About Hanukkah

It’s Hanukkah season!!!!! You know the holiday that everyone forgets about. Well here are 8 fun/real facts about The Jewish Christmas.

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1: Hanukkah celebrates the victory of the Maccabees or Israelites over the Greek-Syrian ruler, Antiochus about 2200 years ago. It is not about other great victories in Jewish history like:
The New York Yankees winning the World Series over The Mets
Bill Goldberg beating Hulk Hogan
Seinfeld winning a Emmy
Mel Gibson dying of cancer
Being undefeated at the game Monopoly
2: Each night of Hanukkah, an additional candle is placed in the Menorah from right to left, and then lit from left to right. On the last night, all the candles are lit. Also if you lit more then one candle on one night you will be sent to Jewish hell when you die. Jewish hell is also known as Germany.
3: During Hanukkah, families eat latkes(potato pancakes) and sufganiot (jelly donuts), or other foods which are fried in oil, to celebrate and commemorate the miracle of the Festival of Lights. On the other days of the year they eat potatoes covered in jelly.
The Festival of Lights is also a name of a Jewish rave they have each year.
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4: In Yemen, children went from house to house, tins in hand, to collect wicks for the Hanukkah Menorah.Unlike in the Adrian Peterson household where children go from house to house to collect switches.
5: In Germany, the eighth and last night of Hanukkah used to be very special. All the leftover wicks and oil were lit in giant bonfires. People sang songs and danced around the fire, often until the small hours of the night.
The key part in that first part is “used to be”. I can’t figure out why they stopped doing this. It may have something with the combo of Germany,Jewish people and giant bonfires.
6: Traditionally, Hanukkah is a time when children are encouraged and rewarded for their Torah studies. Consequently, it became fashionable to give the children Hanukkah money and presents during the holiday. What’s Hanukkah money? You might be asking. It’s money they get so they can go out and buy Christmas presents lie normal people.

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7: Except in times of religious persecution, the menorah was placed outside the front door or, as is the custom today, displayed in the window of every Jewish home. They did this so people would know which homes not to break into cause they had lame Hanukkah gifts.

8: Hanukkah is celebrated in the home beginning on the 25th day of the Jewish month of Kislev. Kislev is of course better known Novdecember. A Jewish year has 24 months. Like Junly,Sepocttember, Macpril and Janbruary.

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wwe19

Worst WWE Gimmicks Ever (Part 2)

Welcome back! Part 2 of 4 of the worst WWE gimmicks ever. These 15 might be my “favorite” of all 4 parts. A lot of “what in the hell were they thinking?!” and “How high was Vince?” So lets get to these losers. (Once again I would like to remind people that this list is in alphabetical order. So if you don’t see someone like Nailz or Xanta Claus don’t worry.)
Speaking of Xanta Claus……..
Merry Christmas from Xanta Claus!!!
Merry Christmas from Xanta Claus!!!
The Disciples Of Apocalypse:
The Disciples Of Apocalypse:
Back in the late 90’s WWE had a lot of gangs. Representing the whites was D.O.A. Lead by Mr.Heart Punch himself Crush. These dudes would ride their bikes down to the ring which was a pretty great idea cause the noise would wake the crowd up. Not a big impact on pro-wrestling but I’m pretty sure if it wasn’t for D.O.A there wouldn’t be a S.O.A.
Doink:
Doink:

Clowns are creepy. They’re also make for awful wrestlers. Truth be told Doink was my favorite guy to be in WWF Raw back on Genesis. However I look at Doink like those Ernest movies. Yea they were pretty funny when you were 7 but didn’t really stand the test of time. Doink and the D.O.A’s Crush did have one of my favorite Wrestlemaina moments ever. Watch video below.

 

Duke "The Dumpster" Droese:
Duke “The Dumpster” Droese:

The Duke of trash made his debut back in the early 90’s. The fact that his gimmick was about trash was pretty ironic. (Cause he was trash) Duke had a feud with Triple H. One of those 2 went on to become one of the greatest wrestlers ever and the other one went on to become a pretty ok asst.manager at Radio Shack.

Eugene:
Eugene:

A special-needs wrestler………….oh do I need to go on? I feel like whoever thought of this gimmick had special needs. Sadly Eugene won the tag titles with William Regal. That was the high point in his very low career. He caught the small bus out of the WWE in 2007 and has never seen again.

Executioner:
Executioner:

It’s crazy who these last 3 jobbers had feuds with. Triple H had feuds with Duke and Eugene and Executioner made his debut by attacking The Undertaker at a In Your House. That was about it for him. After Taker beat him at In Your House: It’s Time The Executioner’s career was sentence to death.

He had his own toy!
He had his own toy!
Farmer Pete:
Farmer Pete:

I just put this midget wrestler on here cause he looks like a pedophile. Think about that for second this pedophile looked like a child. Talk about your ice-breakers!

Flash Funk:
Flash Funk:

Double F is one of the main reasons why a lot of wrestling fans hate WWE. Better known for being the great 2 Cold Scorpio in WCW and ECW, he was made into a very bad joke in WWE. I always will look at Flash Funk as one of many Vince’s middle fingers he gave wrestling fans………HOWEVER GREAT THEME MUSIC!

Friar Ferguson:
Friar Ferguson:

Speaking of looking like a pedophile…..Friar Ferguson has in and out of WWE only after a few weeks. Some say he went back to preaching the good word and others say they don’t give a shit. Friar is one Ferguson I wouldn’t mind watching burn to the ground.

Giant Gonzales:
Giant Gonzales:
This dude was 8 feet tall!………8 feet! Not 7! 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eight!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Talking about his height cause that’s all anyone remembers about him. Oh yea he also feuded The Undertaker. Man, Taker had some pretty lame feuds.
Gillberg:
Gillberg:

Who’s next? Who cares?! We wanted to know who’s first! Gillberg was a parody of Goldberg and a lot like how Hot Shots was better than Top Gun, Gillberg was better than Goldberg. He held the Light Heavyweight Title for 15 months!!!!!!! Which speaks more to how much of a joke that “title” was.

The Godfather:
The Godfather:

I know! We all loved him but come on. It was a bit much. The father of the Ho Train is what the Attitude Era was all about…..over the top racism.

Goon:
Goon:

After being kicked off of every hockey team he played for Goon came to WWE to bore people to death. Just like most NHL players nobody wanted to see Goon. His god damn finishing move was a him checking people into the ring post. He would win all of his matches by count-out! (Not saying he won many matches.) Goon went on strike and hasn’t been seen since.

The Headbangers:
The Headbangers:

Headbangers were made so that fans of Marilyn Manson and Korn would have someone to root for. But just like Marilyn Manson and Korn they quickly got old and easily forgotten. The Headbangers did what they said they would do. They made people bang their hands against a wall questioning their life.

The Heart Throbs:
The Heart Throbs:

We go from Korn to BSB! Antonio and Romeo made up this classic team. Making their debut in 2005 The Throbs quickly became a fan favorite………but that ended by the time they made it to the ring. The only good thing about these 2 is that they went bye bye bye only after a few months.

The Hurricane:
The Hurricane:
Stand back,there’s a Hurricane coming though! WWE’s favorite superhero (Sorry Steve Blackman) made his debut in 2001. His superpower? Oh it was being awful. There is no human that could have been as awful as he was. I mean his favorite superhero was The Green Lantern! Nobody likes that dude. Fun fact: Ryan Reynolds favorite wrestler was The Hurricane! Just joking nobody like The Hurricane. I’m pretty sure Hurricane Katrina had more fans.
Well there you have it! Part 2 of 4. Feel free to comment below for people you think should have been on one of the first 2 parts or people you hope to see in parts 3 or 4.
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a santa

Merry Kesha-Mas!

Christmas is the Kesha of holidays. It seems to start earlier each year. This year I think I saw a tree up on July 5th. It’s a huge deal here in America. The music however………..It’s not that great. The ones that are good get played to death. So I made a list of Christmas songs that you don’t hear every year or never want to.

R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas:
Now I’m going to try to not to tear each song apart but a Christmas Star Wars song? It doesn’t even make sense. Star Wars takes place a long long time ago. That means before Christ! I mean Kesha wasn’t born until the 80’s!!! Also fun fact about this “song”. It’s Bon Jovi singing it!
Barking dogs singing We Wish You A Merry Christmas:
After hearing this, I’m a huge Michael Vick fan.
I Think You Might Like It:
Remember that one Christmas when you got nothing you wanted? You thought that was the worst X-Mas ever? Well John Travolta is going to try his hardest to make you forget about that day with his gift of ear cancer.
How much money does he need?! I mean I hope he got paid and didn’t pay to do this shit. After watching this trash I can see why both of these dicks weren’t asked to be in Grease 2
Ring The Bell:
For those who don’t know. I LOVE WRESTLING! But even I have to say this is fucking awful. I do agree with the title. RING THE DAMN BELL! STOP THIS SONG!
A Very Sara Xmas:
There should be more Christmas songs like this……….
I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas:
This lil brat needs to get a job. Lets just look past her being a bitch and focus on the video. What’s with her dance moves in the middle? I feel like she may want to get that brain tumor taken care of for Christmas and save the hippo for Flag Day.
I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ For Christmas:
Back to back rotten kids. At least this one is gettin nuttin. The list of things this kid has done all year make me believe that this must be a young serial killer. The twist by the way is that the family is Jewish.
Funky,Funky X-Mas:
NKOTB! When I looked this up and saw that it was 5 minutes long I was pretty pissed but after listening to it I was ready to track down all 5 members and murder them. WTF was Mr.Wahlberg and the gang thinking?! They should have named this song Shity,Shity X-Mas.
Someday At Christmas:
Someday At Christmas is like the rich man’s War Is Over by John Lennon. That being said doesn’t Stevie sound like a chick in this song? Like my god. It kind of makes me feel even worse for him. Not only is he blind but he sounds like a bitch? Why does god hate him so much?
All I want For Christmas:
I know that this is a pretty famous Christmas song but man alive!…..The video! I don’t follow Justin Bieber but I thought dancing was one of his things. What in the hell is he doing? He looks like he has special needs. The whole thing seems like a very cheap J.C Penny ad. Which would make it a very rich K-Mart ad.
Come On Christmas:
Do you need a Christmas song to kill yourself to? Well I got one for you! Come On Christmas by Dwight Yoakam is just the song you need while you’re hanging yourself cause the only Merry Christmas texts you got were from a wrong number and the one you sent from your second phone.
The Christmas Songs:
You know what Christmas needs more of? The Hoff! David is such a genius. Instead of just making a new Christmas song he just took old ones and ruined them! Thanks Mr.Rider! I do dig his Han Solo look he is rocking in the video.
The Christmas Shoes:
Just voted the worst X-Mas song ever. Christmas Shoes is about some loser buying his mother some Vans for Christmas. The thing that makes the whole song sad is that she wanted Converse.
It Must Be Santa:
0: The number of fucks Bob Dylan gave while doing this trash.
Please Daddy Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas:
Best title ever! John Denver begging his dad not to get drunk is pretty catchy. Fun fact: John Denver’s dad was a drunk and he was also the pilot of John Denver’s plane.
Well there you have it! I hope you have a very Kesha Christmas and a Stone Cold New Year’s!!!!!!!
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a billy

The Worst WWE Gimmicks Ever (Part 1)

Pro-wrestling is great! I loved it since I was 6. Everyone knows Hulk Hogan,Undertaker,Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock. However there is a lot of wrestlers didn’t stand the test of time (Like Test….R.I.P btw!) This is part 1 of 4 of the 60 worst WWE gimmicks ever. I have it in alphabetical order so don’t flip out if you don’t see Repo Man or Zeus on this list they both made it so don’t worry. (Spoiler alert!) So here is the first 15. Enjoy!

Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz:
Abe “Knuckleball” Schwartz:

Abe who also went by the name M.V.P made his debut in 1994 during the MLB strike. It turns out that Abe was more boring than baseball which is pretty hard to do if you ask me. The only half entertaining part about Knuckleball is that his theme music was Take Me Out To The Ballgame. Schwartz was a error in pro-wrestling history.

Bastian Booger:
Bastian Booger:

Bastian who also made his debut in 1994. Man 94 was bad year for wrestling. Booger wasn’t the best wrestler but he did have the gift of making people sick just by looking at him. He called his nose a snack dispenser. You might be shock to learn that Bastian left the WWE in 1995 but that year was one to……..forget.

Battle Kat:
Battle Kat:

In 1990 WWE fans meet the man named Battle Kat. With the martial-arts skilled of Bruce Lee he wow’ed everyone. By wow’ed I mean put to sleep. He was in WWE for about 2 months before going to Japan. Japan called him the worst thing America dropped on them since WW2.

The Beast:
The Beast:

The Beast was a wrestler from the 1960’s. He was said to be a savage but in real life he was just some homeless dude fighting for food. The dog from Sandlot was named after him.

Beaver Cleavage:
Beaver Cleavage:

Mr.Cleavage had one match in WWE and then was never seen again. However the vignettes that lead up to his debut are still being talked about today. I still don’t know what WWE was thinking or why he got pulled so early. But I am still very thankful that it happened.

 

The Berzerker:
The Berzerker:

This retarded viking made his debut in 1991 by Mr.Fuji. He won most of his matches by count out, which was awful cause that made people look at him 7 seconds longer. For whatever reason he had matches with HOF’ers like Jimmy Snuka and Bret Hart. I wonder what they did to piss Vince off at the time.

Big Bully Busick:
Big Bully Busick:

Triple B made his debut in the early 1990’s. His goal was to push around the other WWE superstars. He failed. He did however use to pop kids balloons on his way in which pushed him up to number #758 on my list. (Sorry Stevie Richards you got bumped down.) Here is a match for you! You’re welcome!

Big Dick Johnson:
Big Dick Johnson:

The first of many dick puns names on the lists. Still not 100% sure what his deal was. He showed up at random times and showed off his package to everyone. I kind of hope he Chris Benoit himself.

Billy & Chuck:
Billy & Chuck:
A tag team that were pretty close. In 2002 Chuck asked Billy to be his (tag team) partner for life. It was such major news that The Today Show and The f’n New York Times talked about it. That’s 100% true. Sadly at the commitment ceremony Billy told everyone it was just a publicity stunt. They broke up weeks after leaving everyone butt hurt (#pun)
Boggeyman:
Boggeyman:

Who is that under your bed? Oh it’s just Boggeyman. Ok good something that will make me go to sleep faster. The B.Man did get over fast with the fans also he has PPV’s wins over JBL and Booker T. That one was at Wrestlemania 22! But then someone called the Ghostbusters or something cause Boggey hasn’t been seen since. Thanks Egon! Sucks you died.

The Brooklyn Brawler:
The Brooklyn Brawler:

The lovable loser of the WWE. Brawler was such a pussy that it made me think I could kick the shit out of anyone from Brooklyn. That’s right K.G! Come get some! For those with eyes that are reading this you may have notice that Abe “Knuckleball” Schwartz  and Brawler look very alike. That’s cause they’re twin brothers…duh

Chris Benoit:
Chris Benoit:

He really didn’t want to job to C.M Punk that night I guess…………

Cryme Tyme:
Cryme Tyme:

The award for most racist team in wrestling history goes to……..Why did they have to spell their name like that? Who thought that was a “street” thing to replace I’s with Y’s? “Oh no they spell it tyme on the streets.” They broke up in early 2008 and Y for one was pretty happy about it.

Deuce & Domino:
Deuce & Domino:
Double D made their debut in 2007 making the claim to be the biggest attraction in all of the past,present and future. Suck on that Bret. Hailing from the other side of the tracks they awon the tag titles, which now seems like some type of crime. (sorry I mean cryme) Deuce and Domino ended their partnership in 2008 after they got into a fight over what was the best Grease movie. Everyone knows the answer is number 2. I mean Catwoman was in it!
The Dicks:
The Dicks:

Our 3rd tag team in a row. Chad and James Dick made their debut in 2005. They would put on a show before their matches for the female fans. I don’t care if you were a female fan or even Billy & Chuck, nobody enjoyed watching them. They had a handicap match vs our very own Bogeyman which they lost and got fired soon after. I guess you can say that The Dicks really blown it. (That’s a b.j joke!)

Well that’s the first 15 of the worst wrestling gimmicks ever. Feel free to comment and name some losers that you feel that should be on this list or on one of the lists coming soon.

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