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Joshua’s Favorite TV Themes ever

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What makes a good show great? Having a awesome theme song! Just look at Lost. That show was pretty……Ok, Lost sucked. Here is Joshua’s list of his favorite theme songs ever and as always if you don’t agree you can go fuck yourself.

WKRP in Cincinnati:
I don’t even remember what this show was even really about but I do remember watching this show when I was home cause I was “sick” and couldn’t go to school.
 I think 1380 should cover the theme. I found the full song for you. If you don’t like it then you’re a liar or deaf.

 
The Rockford Files:
Hey! It’s the dude from The Notebook! Rockford was my brother’s favorite show so that means that I hated every second of it. However the first 2 minutes I did enjoy jamming out to this tune. I like how the music matches up great of video of Rockford getting his ass kicked.

Sesame Street:
Sunny days are here. The song is a bit outdated now cause you don’t need to sing a song to find out where a street is, you can just use your phone. I do find it funny how nobody answers this chick. Help her! She needs to buy some drugs from Oscar.

 
Charles in Charge:
A male nanny?! Sure ok……Charles in Charge was on tv for a long time for some reason. My only guess is a lot of that is due to the ratings the show got when it started every week. The song is great.

The Sopranos:
If you ever needed a song to get you pump to smash someone’s head in with a pipe this was it. The Sopranos was a iconic show. It also give me the cool idea that anything that has the letter “r” in it I can spell it with a gun. A lot of people knock the last episode for just cutting to black however I think it was pretty…

The Dukes of Hazzard:
Lets get in our cars and jump over things! These good old boys knew how to have some fun. The show was the best thing for white trash/rednecks ever made. I mean man alive their car was named The General Lee! LIKE WTF?! Why in the hell would you get a car that doors can’t open?

What’s Happening!!:
This is a very loud song! You have been warned

The X-Files:
Still gives me chills. The show kind of went downhill when T-1000 took over but still one of the greatest shows in the history of t.v
*in the history of Fox shows
( I wasn’t allowed to share the X-Files theme. But look it up it’s great! Trust me!)
The Brady Bunch:
So what happened to the father and the mother of the Brady kids? You never heard from them or anything about them? Seems odd. I think they were murdered…..anyways here is a great tune!

The Greatest American Hero:
A lot of you probably never heard of The Greatest American Hero. Unless you’re thinking of Stone Cold Steve Austin. The show was trash. I dare you to watch a full episode. The theme to it however was f’n great! George even used it for his answering machine. Watch below.


 
Welcome Back Kotter:
Johnny T was in this show! This song is so great that one of the best rappers ever Mase cover it! (It was awful) Here is both of them for your listening enjoyment.


The A-Team:
If you can find them, please tell them that their theme song is great. If you can’t find them just call The B-Team. They’re easy to find and they got members like Mr.s and Head.

Night Court:
Court is never fun. But have it at night and then it’s pretty ok.

Laverne & Shirley:
These dikes were the best thing from Milwaukee ever. Their theme song is pretty catchy as well. Still not sure what they were saying in the start of it but it probably means something about strap-ons.

 
Mr. Ed:
Did you know that Mr.Ed was on tv for 5 years? How in the hell did they keep this going for 5 years? Just awful. Here is one for fact they had a spin-off called Mr.Glue. It was about talking glue. It only was around for 3 years.

Sanford & Son:
Junkyard funk at it’s best!

Knight Rider:
The last one is the best one! Knight Rider was not only at kick ass show about a cool dude with a leather jacket who drives a talking car (Who sounded a lot like the principal from Boy Meets World) but it also had the coolest theme ever! I can listen to this for 17 hours at a time. Sit back and enjoy this classic.

Well there you have it. Joshua’s favorite tv themes. If you think I forgot one or something please comment below. If you don’t like my list…..well make your own list so I can whine like a bitch about that one. THANKS!
 
 

NAME YOUR COVER BAND

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Are you making a cover band and having a hard time naming it? Just use this chart. The name on the left is the band you are covering and the right is what you should name your band. It is so simple!!!!! You’re welcome!!!!!!!!

*Some bands are on here 2 times

Kiss= Cuds
Salt n Pepa = Oregano and Basil
Rolling Stones = Stationary Rocks
Johnny Cash = Johnny Change
The Beatles = Hard Shell Bugs
Iron Maiden = Iron Milf
Nirvana = The bitch from Hole killed Kurt
The Wallflowers = Ceiling Plants
The Eagles = The Cowboys
Sam Cooke = Sam Bake
N.W.A = N.W.W.A (N-word with Attitude)
Backstreet Boys = N Sync
Weezer = Breathing Fine
Red Hot Chili Peppers = Ice Cold Banana Peppers
50 Cent = 1 Quarter,2 Dimes and a Nickel
Maroon 5 = Shit Music
Nickelback = Dimestomach
Spice Girls = Sauce Chicks
Van Halen = Overrated
Vanilla Ice = Chocolate Heat
Flo Rida = Louis Iana
One Direction = Dead End
“Weird Al” Yankovic = “Odd Allen” Pullovic
Fun = Please Stop Playing On The Radio
Jimmy Eat World = James Ate Earth
Eminem = Skittle
Insane Clown Posse =  Perfectly Sane Funny People Gang
Train = Planes and Automobiles
Milli Vanilli = Bullshit!
2 Chainz = 3 Ropez
Alicia Keys = Alicia Locks
Rod Stewart = Metal Pole Stewart
Kid Rock = I Suck At 3 Types Of Music
P!nk = Wh!te
Led Zeppelin = Lead Hindenburg
Carrie Underwood = Karrie Oversteel
Pitbull = Pitcow
The Weekend = 3 Day Weekend
Eric Church =  Eric Mosque
Whitney Houston = Dead
Aerosmith = Arrowsmith
The Killers = The Healers
Susan Boyle = Fat Bitch
Green Day = Red Week
Rage Against The Machine = Relax Against The Robot
The Black Keys = The Urban Buttons
No Doubt = I am not 100% Sure
Bruno Mars = Bo Saturn
3 Doors Down = 3 Windows Over
Carpenters = Jesus
Matchbox Twenty = Hot Wheels 30
Alabama = White Trash
Linkin Park = 1999
U2 = Me3
The Grateful Dead = The Ungrateful Living
The Police = The Band With Sting
Rush = Take Your Time
Genesis = Super Nintendo
The Beach Boys = The Sand Men
Soundgarden = Noisefield
The Who = ???????
Cream = Coffee
Guns ‘N Roses = Knifes ‘N Sunflowers
Pearl Jam = Ruby Peanut Butter
The Talking Heads = The Speaking Faces
Tool = We’re Tools
Journey = The Long Trip
Deep Purple = Shallow Blue
Living Colour = Fire Marshall Bill
Audioslave = Audio Free State
Sex Pistols = Fuck guns
The Roots = Reading Rainbow
Radiohead = Satellite Radiohead
The Cure = The Disease
Coldplay = Hotmovie
Black Eyed Peas = Lazy D.J
Kesha = A Musical Goddess

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One Direction = Many Different Ways
Soul Asylum = Walkaway Train
Ray Charles = Booty Call
Seal = Fucked Up Face
Drake = Black Jew
Village People = Town Of Gays
Kottonmouth Kings = Drymouth Queens
Barry White = BBW (Big Black White)
Rage Against The Machine = Mad V.S The Robot
The Oak Ridge Boys = White Trash
Fastball = Curveball
Baha Men = We Let The Dogs Out
Bryan Adams = Forgive me
Barry Manilow = Music For Mandy
Tyga = Lie-In
Abba = Cadabra
Tina Turner = Thunderdome
Randy Newman = Woody’s Friend
Nicki Minaj = Star Ships For Hoes
Sisqo = Who? The Dude Who Had That Thong Song. Oh Yea Him
John Lennon = Face Target
Beach Boys = Bay Men
Meat Loaf = Hungry Man Dinner
Boyz 2 Men = Boyz 4 Men (*This could also be used for your Jerry Sandusky cover band)
Miley Cyrus = STD
Nas = Not Jay-Z
Ozzy Osbourne = ?????? (I don’t know what he’s saying)
Juicy J = Apple Drink J
Michael Bublé = Sinatra 2.0
The Wallflowers = The Floor Trees
Taylor Swift = Crazy ex
U2 = Me As Well
The Outfield = Love Users
Skrillex = LOUD NOISES
Run D.M.C = J.O.G
Elvis Presley = Died On A Toilet
Avril Lavigne = Good Charlotte’s #1 Fan
Sam Smith = The Only One
Machine Head = Robot Blowjob
No Doubt = For Sure
Stevie Wonder = 1 Blind Mouse
Culture Club = Bathhouse Club
Janis Ian = I Peaked At 17
George Strait = Mad Bitches In Texas
Sara Bareilles = I Pick You
Bon Jovi = Band Of Roses
Hoobastank = Hobosmell
The Rolling Stones = The Poor Man’s Beatles
Wiz Khalifa = I’m Dat Dude
Crash Test Dummies = Buckle Up
The Jackson 5 = A Famous Person and His Bros
NSYNC = J.T, A Gay Astronaut and 3 Other Guys
White Zombie = Black Walker
The Hives = Where Bees Live
Wheatus = Middle Age Dirt Bags
Bowling For Soup = Curling For Chili
Blue October = Red August
Blues Traveler = Going To A Blues Game #LGB
Nelly = There Is A Cut On My Face!
Celine Dion = Titanic
Katy Perry = Katy’s Pretty Big Tits
Chumbawamba = PLEASE GO AWAY!
Dope = Legalize It!
Bloodhound Gang = Golden Retriever Herd
Hanson = We Swear We’re Boys
Queen = We Also Swear We’re Boys
Soulja Boy = How Do You Spell Soldier
Cyndi Lauper = Women Just Want To Rest
David Bowie = Throw Some Bowies
Bangles = Sunday Funday
Will Smith = Seven Pounds Of Fresh Prince
Boston = Our Race Is The Bomb
MC Hammer = I Need Money
J-Kwon = Fake I.D
Sixpence None The Richer = Dawson’s Favorite Band
Whithey Houston = O.D
Kool And The Gang = Kool-Aid Guy and His Friends

I hope this helped you. Please comment below also check out the links

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Why Did They Make This?

Anyone can have a music album. No? Well how do you explain this list of trash?

David Hasselhoff
David Hasselhoff

 

 

Ryan Gosling
Ryan Gosling

 

Cory Feldman
Cory Feldman

 

Clint Eastwood
Clint Eastwood

 

Bruce Willis
Bruce Willis

Robert Downey JR
Robert Downey JR

 

Zooey Deschanel
Zooey Deschanel

 

Tony Danza
Tony Danza

 

Jeff Daniels
Jeff Daniels

 

Joe Pesci
Joe Pesci

 

Russell Crowe
Russell Crowe

 

Kevin Costner
Kevin Costner

 

The Olsen Twins
The Olsen Twins

 

Leonard Nimoy
Leonard Nimoy

 

Dudley Moore
Dudley Moore

 

Marilyn Monroe
Marilyn Monroe

 

Macho Man Randy Savage
Macho Man Randy Savage

 

Scarlett Johansson
Scarlett Johansson

 

Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Love Hewitt

 

Don Johnson
Don Johnson

 

Andy Griffith
Andy Griffith

 

Steven Seagal
Steven Seagal

 

Keanu Reeves
Keanu Reeves

 

Burt Reynolds
Burt Reynolds

 

Billy Bob Thornton
Billy Bob Thornton

 

Billy Bob Thornton
Billy Bob Thornton

 

Patrick Swayze
Patrick Swayze

 

William Shatner
William Shatner

 

Shaq
Shaq

 

Stephen Collins
Stephen Collins

 

Chris Burke
Chris Burke
Jeff Bridges
Jeff Bridges

 

Eddie Murphy
Eddie Murphy

 

Wayne Brady
Wayne Brady

 

Danny Bonaduce
Danny Bonaduce

 

Scott Baio
Scott Baio

 

Kevin Bacon
Kevin Bacon

 

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disney

Joshua’s Favorite Disney Songs

From The Lion King to Toy Story, Disney has a lot of great songs that we all know and love. Here is a list of my favorites. If you disagree……well you can go Hakuna Matata yourself.

You’ve Got A Friend In Me:
The thing that makes song so fun is Randy Newman’s voice. It makes you feel that you can also sing. Also I like this song cause it makes people think that Tom Hanks and Tim Allen are friends. There is no chance in hell that Mr.Gump is friends with Joe Somebody.
Bear Necessities:
Hey it’s the bear from Tail Spins! Bear Necessities is just one great song! I can really relate to it as well. Like I eat ants all the time. Looking back on this movie kind of makes me question the “friendship” between Blaoo and his boy slave but whatever a bear needs to do what a bears needs to do, I guess.
Hakuna Matata:
The best thing Billy Crystal has ever done! I can’t start to tell you how much this song helped me out in my life. Like that one time I hit someone with my car and took off. When the police told me that the woman died and asked me why I ran, I said “HAKUNA MATATA!”. We had a good laugh and I served 15 years in jail.
Heigh Ho:
The hardest working men in Disney. These 7 little people made a great song about their favorite way to say hello to Snow White.
Under The Sea:
“Listen to me. The human world, it’s a mess.” Sebastian is a great promoter. He made me want to live under the sea. Detroit should hire him, so that people would want to move there. They new slogan could be “Detroit is the bubbles!” and by bubbles I mean shit.
Let It Go:
I got to be honest if you. I have never saw Frozen or want to see it. However I got to say this song is f’n great! I don’t even know or care what the other lyrics are. I just wait until I can yell LET IT GOOOOOOOOO!. I’m 30 by the way.
A Whole New World:
Aladdin taking his bitch for a ride.  I wondered what Aladdin is up to now. He’s probably enjoying his life leading The ISIS
*Fun fact: Aladdin is voiced by D.J’s boyfriend from Full House.
Circle Of Life:
One more for The King! Circle Of Life is a great song but the title of the song doesn’t really match this video. I don’t think a monkey and a lion would ever be friends. I’m calling bullshit! It’s one of my favorite Elton John songs…….I don’t who in the hell this whore singing is.
When You Wish Upon A Star:
I’m a real boy! I never got into Pinocchio. The whole plot seems a bit off to me. We got some old dude making little boy sex dolls and then one of his wet dreams comes to life when one turns into a real boy? That’s sick! I guess it really doesn’t matter who you are when you wish upon a star. #Sandusky
Ugly Bug Ball:
Here’s a random one for you. Not even sure what’s this from but it’s great. I think Cee Lo Green should check out this ball. The dude looks like a ugly beetle.
I said "forget you"! You damn bug.
I said “forget you”! You damn bug.

Never Smile At a Crocodile:
Christopher Walken hates crocodiles!

A Goofy Movie’s soundtrack:
A Goofy Movie is probably one of the most underrated Disney movies ever. Not sure why. I mean it won like 87 Oscars! (Not sure about that number) here is 3 great songs. Eye to Eye, Stand Out and On The Open Road. Enjoy!


Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo:
You know listening to these songs back to back like this, make me realize that most of these songs just make up words. Walt Disney was just a poor man’s Dr. Seuss
The World Greatest Criminal Mind:
Love this song! The Great Mouse Detective only had 2 songs like this on it’s soundtrack. The other songs were just background music. But hey when you have such a classic like this who gives a shit about the other shit you have on your shity soundtrack.
*Fun Fact: The dude singing is Edward Scissorhands father.

Oogie Boogie Song:
I can’t even start to tell you how hard it was not to fill this list with Nightmare Before Christmas songs. So I just picked this one. I like Oogie Boogie…..still not sure what he is. Maybe a potato bag or something? Also is he some type of casino owner? But he sure can sing! The thing I like most about Nightmare is that it’s one of the few Tim Burton movies that doesn’t show his gay love he has for Johnny Depp
Well there you have it! Please keep in mind that this is called “Joshua’s Favorite Disney Songs” and not ” Some Random Asshole’s Favorite Disney Songs” so please don’t flip out if you don’t see one of your favorites on here but please comment below to tell me your list.
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a billy

The Worst WWE Gimmicks Ever (Part 1)

Pro-wrestling is great! I loved it since I was 6. Everyone knows Hulk Hogan,Undertaker,Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock. However there is a lot of wrestlers didn’t stand the test of time (Like Test….R.I.P btw!) This is part 1 of 4 of the 60 worst WWE gimmicks ever. I have it in alphabetical order so don’t flip out if you don’t see Repo Man or Zeus on this list they both made it so don’t worry. (Spoiler alert!) So here is the first 15. Enjoy!

Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz:
Abe “Knuckleball” Schwartz:

Abe who also went by the name M.V.P made his debut in 1994 during the MLB strike. It turns out that Abe was more boring than baseball which is pretty hard to do if you ask me. The only half entertaining part about Knuckleball is that his theme music was Take Me Out To The Ballgame. Schwartz was a error in pro-wrestling history.

Bastian Booger:
Bastian Booger:

Bastian who also made his debut in 1994. Man 94 was bad year for wrestling. Booger wasn’t the best wrestler but he did have the gift of making people sick just by looking at him. He called his nose a snack dispenser. You might be shock to learn that Bastian left the WWE in 1995 but that year was one to……..forget.

Battle Kat:
Battle Kat:

In 1990 WWE fans meet the man named Battle Kat. With the martial-arts skilled of Bruce Lee he wow’ed everyone. By wow’ed I mean put to sleep. He was in WWE for about 2 months before going to Japan. Japan called him the worst thing America dropped on them since WW2.

The Beast:
The Beast:

The Beast was a wrestler from the 1960’s. He was said to be a savage but in real life he was just some homeless dude fighting for food. The dog from Sandlot was named after him.

Beaver Cleavage:
Beaver Cleavage:

Mr.Cleavage had one match in WWE and then was never seen again. However the vignettes that lead up to his debut are still being talked about today. I still don’t know what WWE was thinking or why he got pulled so early. But I am still very thankful that it happened.

 

The Berzerker:
The Berzerker:

This retarded viking made his debut in 1991 by Mr.Fuji. He won most of his matches by count out, which was awful cause that made people look at him 7 seconds longer. For whatever reason he had matches with HOF’ers like Jimmy Snuka and Bret Hart. I wonder what they did to piss Vince off at the time.

Big Bully Busick:
Big Bully Busick:

Triple B made his debut in the early 1990’s. His goal was to push around the other WWE superstars. He failed. He did however use to pop kids balloons on his way in which pushed him up to number #758 on my list. (Sorry Stevie Richards you got bumped down.) Here is a match for you! You’re welcome!

Big Dick Johnson:
Big Dick Johnson:

The first of many dick puns names on the lists. Still not 100% sure what his deal was. He showed up at random times and showed off his package to everyone. I kind of hope he Chris Benoit himself.

Billy & Chuck:
Billy & Chuck:
A tag team that were pretty close. In 2002 Chuck asked Billy to be his (tag team) partner for life. It was such major news that The Today Show and The f’n New York Times talked about it. That’s 100% true. Sadly at the commitment ceremony Billy told everyone it was just a publicity stunt. They broke up weeks after leaving everyone butt hurt (#pun)
Boggeyman:
Boggeyman:

Who is that under your bed? Oh it’s just Boggeyman. Ok good something that will make me go to sleep faster. The B.Man did get over fast with the fans also he has PPV’s wins over JBL and Booker T. That one was at Wrestlemania 22! But then someone called the Ghostbusters or something cause Boggey hasn’t been seen since. Thanks Egon! Sucks you died.

The Brooklyn Brawler:
The Brooklyn Brawler:

The lovable loser of the WWE. Brawler was such a pussy that it made me think I could kick the shit out of anyone from Brooklyn. That’s right K.G! Come get some! For those with eyes that are reading this you may have notice that Abe “Knuckleball” Schwartz  and Brawler look very alike. That’s cause they’re twin brothers…duh

Chris Benoit:
Chris Benoit:

He really didn’t want to job to C.M Punk that night I guess…………

Cryme Tyme:
Cryme Tyme:

The award for most racist team in wrestling history goes to……..Why did they have to spell their name like that? Who thought that was a “street” thing to replace I’s with Y’s? “Oh no they spell it tyme on the streets.” They broke up in early 2008 and Y for one was pretty happy about it.

Deuce & Domino:
Deuce & Domino:
Double D made their debut in 2007 making the claim to be the biggest attraction in all of the past,present and future. Suck on that Bret. Hailing from the other side of the tracks they awon the tag titles, which now seems like some type of crime. (sorry I mean cryme) Deuce and Domino ended their partnership in 2008 after they got into a fight over what was the best Grease movie. Everyone knows the answer is number 2. I mean Catwoman was in it!
The Dicks:
The Dicks:

Our 3rd tag team in a row. Chad and James Dick made their debut in 2005. They would put on a show before their matches for the female fans. I don’t care if you were a female fan or even Billy & Chuck, nobody enjoyed watching them. They had a handicap match vs our very own Bogeyman which they lost and got fired soon after. I guess you can say that The Dicks really blown it. (That’s a b.j joke!)

Well that’s the first 15 of the worst wrestling gimmicks ever. Feel free to comment and name some losers that you feel that should be on this list or on one of the lists coming soon.

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business man shrug

17 Songs Nobody Knows The Words To

It’s The End Of The World by R.E.M
Right,Right? Those are the first 2 words I can here clearly in this song. I think the beauty of I.T.E.O.T.M is that it’s so fast that people probably think that R.E.M is saying something really deep but really the song is most likely just about Andy Kaufman again. They really loved that dude. Also the video doesn’t give you any clues to what they’re saying. If I watched the video on mute (Which is a great way to watch most of R.E.M’s videos) I would guess that this song is about some homeless kid living in some type of meth house……Hey maybe they were on meth when they wrote this song.
Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam
A classic P.Jam song. It sounds like he is saying yellow bed wetter. That would have been a much better way to go. I don’t what a ledbetter is…..or care to look it up. Anyone who says they have any clue what is being said during this song is a god damn liar. I bet the members of Pearl Jam have no clue what the “lyrics” are of this song. I rather get killed by Jeremy than to listen to this song again.
Bennie and The Jets by Elton John
I love me some Elton John. He was like my Kesha before Kesha was my Kesha. But this song I always thought that maybe he did way too many shots of something before doing it. It starts off with him hitting some random key by mistake. I just like that fact that after he was done with the recording he was like “Yep that is the one we’re going to use…..NO! I don’t want to do it again! That was perfect!”
This song was also use to get me mad by my brother growing up. Being a life long New York Jets fan. My brother use to change the lyrics to “Better than The Jets” and that use to get me so f’n mad. Thanks Elton. You could have made it Bennie and The Pats or something.
Have You Ever Seen The Rain by C.C Revival (John Fogerty)
I added a video with the lyrics for this one. Just try to read along. It doesn’t even add up at some parts. Like it says sunny on the video but when he says sunny it sounds nothing like the word. To answer your question John, yes I have seen rain before
We Didn’t Start The Fire by Billy Joel
If there was ever a song to prove that lyrics don’t matter in a song it’s this one. He is for real just listing things that happened in each decade but my god it’s catchy! The video makes me ask a lot of questions like is Billy a ghost or or something? Or like a time traveler? Also what’s the deal with those crazy pictures in the back like the dude getting shot in the head or the slave tie to a tree? I feel odd jamming out and seeing someone getting lynched. One of the only parts I know is “JFK blown away!” I love shouting that part. Also who did start the fire? Must have been the some dude that let the dogs out.
Racks by Y.C
Might be the worse out of all of these songs. Racks I think is about money or he might be talking about tits or maybe real racks. I really don’t know cause I can’t understand anything he is saying. You would think with all of that money he could have gotten some subtitles for his video. I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE ENGLISH VERSION!
Informer by Snow
I don’t think I need to waste time talking about how you can’t understand anything he is saying in this song. At one point I think he says “lick your boom boom”. I just want to point out some fun things from the video. Like the name of his album. 12 Inches Of Snow? Man, someone thought highly of themselves. The video also points out how far ahead Snow was for his time. Just check out that shirt he is rocking with the Sega Dreamcast logo on it. That didn’t even come out until like 7 years later! But my favorite is when he is locked up in the jail at the end of the video he doesn’t look like a badass rapper he looks like a pedophile
Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard
Within first second I get lost. Is he saying “Love is like a bomb?” and it’s all down hill after that. This is one of the songs that comes on at the bar and everyone just waits for the chorus. I don’t think anyone cares what the song is about, they just feel bad for the handicap dude playing drums in the band. I notice that they’re wearing Def Leppard t-shirts while they’re on stage in the video. Something about that just seems lame.
Louie,Louie by The Kingsmen
Pretty much every marching band in every high school played this song. I guess it should speak more how bad The Kingsmen were if any random group of teenagers can play and in many cases make your song better. All of The Kingsmen couldn’t piece a great song together again! That’s a Humpty Dumpty joke! Should I even ask who Louie was? Yea it doesn’t matter
Who Let The Dogs Out by The Baha Men
I feel like every list I make on here I have this song on there……..
Stacy’s Mom by Fountains Of Wayne
This song owned the radio back in 2003. After watching the video Stacy’s mom is a whore. Undressing in front of the window like that. No wonder Rod Stewart turned gay. (She was his wife btw) I like how he couldn’t want to jerk off until he got home. Who would do that in someone’s else bathroom? Just rude.
Karma Chameleon by Culture Club
Right off the bat. Are we really suppose to believe that Boy George could walk around Mississippi in 1870 looking like that? He couldn’t even walk around like that in Mississippi today without being shot at. The video looks like it is based off of the hit movie Maverick. I’m sure Boy George and Mel Gibson would have been great friends
Thong Song by Sisqo
Remember Sisqo?! We all thought he was the second coming of 2-Pac after this was released…..no? Just me? Well after watching this video I will have to question his choice in clothes. All silver dude? Just saying that maybe that thong that his daughter found at the start of the video was his.
Soak Up The Sun by Sheryl Crow
A great feel good song. Every time I hear it it makes me think of summer and just hanging out drinking. Drinking is what Miss. Lance Armstrong must have been doing while writing this song. It puts you such in a great mood that you really don’t care that none of the other lyrics make any god damn sense.
Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani
Gwen was once in a band called No Doubt. They made some great songs but Gwen thought it would be a great idea to make the opposite type of songs. That’s how Hollaback Girl was born. It does help teach people how to spell banana. Outside of that it’s almost heard to listen to without wanting to hang yourself. My favorite part of the video is when she says how she isn’t a hollaback girl while driving around in a car that says “hollaback girl” on the hood. Huh?
Can’t Touch This by M.C Hammer
Why is this song soooooo long? Like what the hell? The video starts out with people handing Mr.Hammer a lot of awards. Awards I’m sure he sold so he can pay his Rent-A-Center bills.
Whoomp! by Tag Team
Tag Team back again!……Were they here before? Tag Team or as I call them the rich man’s N.W.A made this classic and never looked back since. Mostly cause nobody ask them to come back. The video looks like it was made at some type of rave/basketball game/circus. I can only imagine what they said when they saw the finished project. Tag Team broke up in 1998 after one member turned on the other during a match with The Nasty Boyz.
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I Hate Joshua Proctor

Having bi-polar is not fun. Anyone who has battle with it could back me up on that. For me it gets really painful and darker every time. This is a day by day journal of my last week fighting depression. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

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Nov 21:
“Today is going to be great!” that was my first thought I had on this day. It turns out that I was very very wrong. I have been working on being a better person. It’s pretty hard! I don’t see how Kesha and Stone Cold Steve Austin became so perfect cause it seems like a lot of hard work. I believe one of the most important things about becoming a better person is trust. People need to trust you and you need to trust people. The point of this article isn’t what happened that lead to my depression so I’m just going to skip that part if you don’t mind.
The one thing I will tell you is that what happened made me trash that whole “better” person plan. There is no fixing Joshua Proctor. Even at his best he still finds a way to fuck everything up. He is like the real life Kramer. Well minus the racist part. I just keep on repeating to myself “When is it my turn to be happy?” and after about the 27th time asking that question I realized the answer was never.
Nov 22:
I woke up with a pit in my stomach around 7 a.m. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted relax and try to get back to normal (or what I can normal) but after about 3 hours of trying, I thought of a great idea! Something that will help me get my mind of how much I hate Joshua Proctor. I will take some of these razor blades and cut my arms up! GENIUS!
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Now there is a art to cutting yourself. I could just take a razor and slash my wrist. I did that before and it’s very painful also it doesn’t really seem to help. The point of this is to get my mind from thinking and to focus on the pain I’m doing to myself. That’s where the art comes in. You have to cut deep enough for it to hurt and bleed but not deep enough for you to hurt yourself too badly. Also just don’t cut the top of your arms like some type of pussy.
So there I was cutting myself every 30 minutes. I would do as many cuts I can do in a 10 minutes and then watch some tv. It reminded me of a thing I heard one time. “If a crazy person know that they’re crazy are they really crazy?” I bring that up cause at one point I was sitting there in my apartment with the only light being from the tv showing the Harvard vs Yale football game,drinking beer,cutting myself and laughing for like 6 minutes at some Sonic commercial. Those dudes are fucking funny! But yea that was my Saturday.
Nov 23:
The pain of cutting yourself over 70 times really seems to kick in overnight. Needless to say I didn’t sleep to well however I have a big day of ahead . Sundays are my favorite day of the week. I got football,Walking Dead and tonight WWE is having a PPV. I also made a game up for myself to play. Every time one of my players from my fantasy football team scores I will cut myself 6 times and every time a player from the dude’s team I’m playing against scores I will cut myself 12 times. Again I’m a genius! I never hated Steven Jackson so much in my life.
Another thing I noticed on Sunday is how much I’m addicted to cutting myself. I use to do it all the time back in the day and I just remember hated it. However I felt excited about cutting myself so more today. Maybe that means it’s working? I’m starting to see how people get addicted to drugs. Waking up the morning after sucks but just thinking about that razor cutting my skin just makes me feel great. I know it sounds crazy by the way so no need to tell me. I think maybe I just enjoy hurting myself cause I blame myself for being depress. I’m the dumb fuck who keeps catching feelings for someone or trusting people so the pain is there to remind me how dumb that is. One more thing I noticed today is how scared I was from myself. I have been down before. But it has never been like this. I’m really scared that I might really hurt myself this week. The sad part is that I want to talk to someone but I don’t have anyone to talk to cause I’m jackass so the only thing to do is to hurt myself. Talk about your catch 22’s!
ouch...........
ouch………..
Nov 24:
Today is going to be rough. I got no beer and no football. Just me,a lot of time and of course my good friend Razor Ramon. I named the razors after one of my favorite wrestlers. The first 4 hours of the day I sit there and cried. I don’t even know what I was crying about. I just wanted the pain to stop. It felt like someone was twisting the inside of my gut. Also I guess I should point out that at this time I haven’t ate any food in 2 days. I just needed something to get my mind off of this………
razor
Then it happened. Monday was of course the day of the Darren Wilson verdict. It’s not going to trial. So there I was watching people tear apart their own town cause they were mad at someone else. I was watching it while my arm was bleeding all over my floor. I said to myself “How does this help? How does burning down buildings in your own town help? It doesn’t make any sense.” That’s when I looked at my own arm and all of the cuts I did to myself and thought “You’re a hypocrite” Just one more reason to hate Joshua Proctor.
Nov 25:
It was like sleeping in a war zone last night. Ferguson is about 10 minutes away from my apartment. All I could hear were helicopters and police cars. I watched some of the fires from my balcony last night before going to bed. I watched them burn for a long time. It might sound odd but it put my mind at peace.
The first thing I did today was turn on CNN to see how much St.Louis is still standing. Watching this last night and right now made me remember how much I hate the news. It almost feels like that maybe they were excited that something like this happened just so they can have “news”. It seems like they find the dumbest people when they’re trying to fill time. Like the person who want everyone to boycott major retail stores on Black Friday and shop only at black owned stores. This of course coming about 6 hours after they burned down nothing but black owned businesses. So with that idiot and then after I seen this “breaking news” I was done with the news until the next riot.
Wait?! What!?
Wait?! What!?
Back to my problems now. After last night I made up my mind that today will be the last day I will be cutting myself. I was going to go all out and try to cut all of the depress thoughts I had out of my system. I know it sounds like a great plan, right? During the cutting marathon I thought about how everything will work out. But then how everything working out isn’t good enough. I don’t it to work out, I want it to be fixed. The only way to fix things is to change everything about me. That means no more people in my life. It sounds sad but these last few days made me think how maybe being alone is the way to go for me. If I’m alone nobody can hurt me besides myself.
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I also starting wearing this so I can use to them for next week. I don't want anyone to know I'm crazy
I also starting wearing these things, so I can get use to them for next week. I don’t want anyone to know I’m crazy.
I cut myself so much today that I vomited. I looked at it like drinking. You ever vomit when you drink too much and you feel better after? That’s how I felt. Once I was done. I ate some food. Which is a pretty big deal since I went 3 days without eating. I had 2 slices of pizza and a Coke Zero. It was the best meal in the history of time. Hot tip! You need to eat food. It makes you feel a lot better.
Nov 26:
It’s Thanksgiving Eve! Why do Christmas and New Year’s only get to have eves? I think all holidays should get them. From Thanksgiving to Flag Day. I don’t even understand what “eves” are or the point of them. Cause where would it end? “Oh it’s not Monday it’s Tuesday Eve.”
 Here are some pictures of what I did today…enjoy!
I played dress up all day today with my old clothes.
I played dress up all day today with my old clothes.

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I played dress up with my old clothes. MADDEN TOURNAMENT CHAMP!
MADDEN TOURNAMENT CHAMP!
I feel like shit today. Like all I can think about is cutting myself and I’m trying really hard not to do that. I need to hurt myself……I need to get my mind off of me. So instead of cutting myself I just worked out in the gym in my apartment building. I did a extra hard, a extra long workout. The goal was to make my body hurt. It worked. Not only did it work but after for the first time in 5 days I felt happy. It didn’t feel right at all. Like who am I to be happy? I’m the worst. But fuck it…….lets watch some King Of Queens and get ready to be alone on my favorite holiday.
It also snowed today. Is it ironic that the building right across the street from me is a mental hospital?
It also snowed today. Is it ironic that the building right across the street from me is a mental hospital?
Nov 27:
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!! A day to be thankful for. I’m feeling good. A lot of football to watch. Also today was the first time in almost a week I went outside. I just got a 18 pack of beer but I still think it’s a big step. Being inside so long I can’t really knock those shut-in people anymore. Outside is so cold and loud. I don’t understand homeless people. Like why do they enjoy it so much?
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During this whole time I haven’t been online once. I put my Ipad and phone in my closet. I almost looked today to see if I got any “Happy Thanksgiving” messages. I was a bit scared to look cause if I didn’t get any that would probably make me sad however getting some might trick me into thinking that this is over, so I’m better off not knowing. I don’t want any setbacks. My goal is for Sunday to go back online and start writing again.
I haven’t cut myself in a few days now and the feeling that I need to is gone I think. Drinking and watching The Eagles kick the shit out of The Cowboys made me feel a lot better as well. I’m just can’t enjoy being happy. It’s just cause I have a feeling that once I get back to writing and back on Facebook it’s all going to come crashing down. I hope I can use these next couple of days to get my mind ready and I hope that I can stick to my new plan.
Thanks for helping me out today Mr.Romo!
Thanks for helping me out today Mr.Romo!
Nov 28:
7 days since all of this started. I look back a week and look at myself now to see how much better I feel. Not saying I’m 100% better. I mean there are still cuts on my arm. I have a lot of extra energy today so I cleaned my apartment. Just keeping my mind busy is key. When I’m bored that’s when I get depress. You would think that would make me write some more but I’m not ready for that yet. I did make the decision of taking a walk today. I figure going outside could do me some good.
I started my walk and within 10 minutes I became overwhelmed with anxiety. Pretty sure I was having a panic attack. I felt dizzy and had to stop for awhile. All I could think was “Great Joshua you gave yourself a new disorder.” After relaxing at a bus stop I got up and finished my walk.
I said on Sunday that I will be back to my old self but after today I don’t think that’s happening. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t know what I’m going to do? Am I really never going to go back online again? Of course not that’s dumb. However I do think that maybe Sunday could be pushing it. I might just need to get back on that horse as soon as I can. I got some thinking to do in the next few days. Once again I feel like if I had someone to talk to it would make this a lot easier but I better get use to this lonely feeling.
Nov 29:
I started today by jumping the gun on my not talking to people thing. It’s funny how talking to the right person about anything can really turn your mood around. I feel so much better just hearing a voice of someone else. I was in such in a great mood that I went for a walk and this time no panic attacks! That’s huge.
Just being in a better mood feels nice. I’m not saying anything like I’m all better. I just need to find a way to cope with my depression better. I don’t think cutting yourself is a great way to good…..it did help but still. I feel like the dude from A Beautiful Mind but not as smart or the chick from Homeland (R.I.P btw….sorry about the spoiler) but not as cute. The point is that maybe I’m going to have to deal with my mental illness for the rest of my life even when I’m not feeling down or blue.
Sorry for the lack of laughs in this article but I felt the need to share this with you to show you my weekly battle with my mind. Writing this during the past week was the one thing that somewhat keep me sane. I hope I never have to do this again but I know that’s unlikely. If I do I will try to make it more fun for you. Like maybe add a word search or a maze in the middle of the article. Thanks for reading.
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19 Songs That Are More Catchy Than Ebola

 I don’t know if you heard but the zombie apocalypse has started down in Dallas. Man alive! I hate Tony Romo so much. The Ebola virus is here in America folks and it’s a big deal. Just ask Fox News. They will tell you! So to get your mind off of you dying a painful death pretty soon, I came up with a list a songs that are more catchy than Ebola……and some that are a lot more painful. That way before you turn into a walker (Walking Dead joke!) you can have the band Aqua in your head.
YMCA by The Village People
 We start off with a classic. The song is so good and fun to sing that we don’t even really listen to any other parts besides them spelling YMCA. The whole middle part is about them inviting dudes over to the YMCA locker room for what can only be described as a very long and a very naked steam shower. The only things might be more catchy than this song might be only found at the YMCA.
We Are The Champions by Queen
 Not sure what they are the champions of but this song is so fun to sing at bars when you win at pool. Not so much fun for the other person, but fuck them.This song will never be heard at a Cubs game.
Simply The Best by Tina Turner
 Kind of like Queen not sure what Tina think she was “better than all the rest” at…..I mean it can’t be music. Maybe acting? She did kill it in Thunder Dome!
Butterfly by Aqua
 I got a Aqua song on here and it isn’t Barbie Girl?! Yes and if you never heard this song before you will see why and wonder how in the hell were Aqua one hit wonders. The song itself sounds like a poor man’s Enter The Ninja by Ant Woord. Which is kind of bullshit cause Butterfly came out first…….but whatever.
I Love You by Barney & This Old Man by Some D-Bag.
 So the best thing about writing for Face The Music is that I get to find some real random songs like I Love You. I haven’t heard this song since I was a kid………DUDE!!!!! BARNEY IS A RIP-OFF! It’s just This Odd Man with different lyrics! Like WTF?! I thought Barney was all about imagination?

Runaway Train by Soul Asylum
 The soundtrack to the 90’s would have this hit on it.
Fun Fact: Soul Asylum made song named Runaway Bus that was on Speed’s soundtrack.
Superstar by Toybox
 Who? It’s Toybox! You know them! They had that song. You know! This one! It’s about them being superstars and being rich! Well if you don’t know them,swing by the Target near Atlanta cause that is where they work now.
Diddley-Dee by The Cartoons
 Oh it can get worse………Diddley-Dee is like Cotton Eye Joe if Joe had a huge meth problem.

Witch Doctor by The Cartoons
 They’re back!!!!!! Before I made this list I had no clue who these dudes were but now I think of them as one of the greatest things that ever happened to music and to mankind. Thank you Cartoons for sharing your gift with all of us.
Poundcake by Jay-T
 Ok I’m sorry but this song is way better than the food it’s named after. I just like how angry he is. JUST GIVE HIM SOME GOD DAMN POUNDCAKE! Nobody else likes it.
Mickey by Toni Basil
 Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey!
“OTHER LYRICS NOBODY KNOWS”
Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey!
“SOME BULLSHIT”
Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey!
“……………………”
Heyayayay by He-Man
 If you have 10 hours to waste watch this……also get a fucking job.
You Don’t Know Me by Ray Charles
 The first slow jam of the list. Mr.Charles is crying about some bitch (who was probably ugly as hell by the way. I mean how could he know?” during this song but man it’s great.
Fun Fact: You might know Ray Charles from his role in the movie Booty Call.
Christmas Don’t Be Late by The Chipmunks
 Someone should really buy the Chipmunks a calendar. Christmas is on the same date every year you dumb rats. Well I guess if they were that smart they would ask for something better than a hoolahoop……I mean hello! PS4!
Hot In Here by Nelly
 Every list I make Nelly always finds a way to get on them. Hot In Here is of course from his best album ever Now That’s What I Call Music VOL. 11
Dominick The Donkey by God
 If the list was most underrated songs ever this would be number 1. The plot doesn’t really make any sense but you cares you will be singing it until Christmas 2034.
Unforgettable by Nat King Cole and Natalie “Princess” Cole
 The King!
Fun Fact: King Cole and Sam Cooke were like besties
The Duck Song by A Duck (#duh)
 A f’n classic!!!!!! The number of views on this video will make you question life
*also look out for The Duck Song 2 on the side!
Friday by Rebecca Black
 I’m no doctor but this song has to a lot like brain cancer. You can’t just get it out of your head and you know it’s killing you. I’m 100% sure a 6 year old wrote this song but man did they do a great job! The song makes everyday feel like Friday! It also makes you look like a asshole when you’re singing it.
Rebecca Black loves this song just cause Fridays are the only day she has off from working the corner for coke money.
Follow Joshua on Twitter: @todajets
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