Tag Archives: movies

Why Did They Make This?

Anyone can have a music album. No? Well how do you explain this list of trash?

David Hasselhoff
David Hasselhoff

 

 

Ryan Gosling
Ryan Gosling

 

Cory Feldman
Cory Feldman

 

Clint Eastwood
Clint Eastwood

 

Bruce Willis
Bruce Willis

Robert Downey JR
Robert Downey JR

 

Zooey Deschanel
Zooey Deschanel

 

Tony Danza
Tony Danza

 

Jeff Daniels
Jeff Daniels

 

Joe Pesci
Joe Pesci

 

Russell Crowe
Russell Crowe

 

Kevin Costner
Kevin Costner

 

The Olsen Twins
The Olsen Twins

 

Leonard Nimoy
Leonard Nimoy

 

Dudley Moore
Dudley Moore

 

Marilyn Monroe
Marilyn Monroe

 

Macho Man Randy Savage
Macho Man Randy Savage

 

Scarlett Johansson
Scarlett Johansson

 

Jennifer Love Hewitt
Jennifer Love Hewitt

 

Don Johnson
Don Johnson

 

Andy Griffith
Andy Griffith

 

Steven Seagal
Steven Seagal

 

Keanu Reeves
Keanu Reeves

 

Burt Reynolds
Burt Reynolds

 

Billy Bob Thornton
Billy Bob Thornton

 

Billy Bob Thornton
Billy Bob Thornton

 

Patrick Swayze
Patrick Swayze

 

William Shatner
William Shatner

 

Shaq
Shaq

 

Stephen Collins
Stephen Collins

 

Chris Burke
Chris Burke
Jeff Bridges
Jeff Bridges

 

Eddie Murphy
Eddie Murphy

 

Wayne Brady
Wayne Brady

 

Danny Bonaduce
Danny Bonaduce

 

Scott Baio
Scott Baio

 

Kevin Bacon
Kevin Bacon

 

PLEASE LIKE FACE THE MUSIC STL

disney

Joshua’s Favorite Disney Songs

From The Lion King to Toy Story, Disney has a lot of great songs that we all know and love. Here is a list of my favorites. If you disagree……well you can go Hakuna Matata yourself.

You’ve Got A Friend In Me:
The thing that makes song so fun is Randy Newman’s voice. It makes you feel that you can also sing. Also I like this song cause it makes people think that Tom Hanks and Tim Allen are friends. There is no chance in hell that Mr.Gump is friends with Joe Somebody.
Bear Necessities:
Hey it’s the bear from Tail Spins! Bear Necessities is just one great song! I can really relate to it as well. Like I eat ants all the time. Looking back on this movie kind of makes me question the “friendship” between Blaoo and his boy slave but whatever a bear needs to do what a bears needs to do, I guess.
Hakuna Matata:
The best thing Billy Crystal has ever done! I can’t start to tell you how much this song helped me out in my life. Like that one time I hit someone with my car and took off. When the police told me that the woman died and asked me why I ran, I said “HAKUNA MATATA!”. We had a good laugh and I served 15 years in jail.
Heigh Ho:
The hardest working men in Disney. These 7 little people made a great song about their favorite way to say hello to Snow White.
Under The Sea:
“Listen to me. The human world, it’s a mess.” Sebastian is a great promoter. He made me want to live under the sea. Detroit should hire him, so that people would want to move there. They new slogan could be “Detroit is the bubbles!” and by bubbles I mean shit.
Let It Go:
I got to be honest if you. I have never saw Frozen or want to see it. However I got to say this song is f’n great! I don’t even know or care what the other lyrics are. I just wait until I can yell LET IT GOOOOOOOOO!. I’m 30 by the way.
A Whole New World:
Aladdin taking his bitch for a ride.  I wondered what Aladdin is up to now. He’s probably enjoying his life leading The ISIS
*Fun fact: Aladdin is voiced by D.J’s boyfriend from Full House.
Circle Of Life:
One more for The King! Circle Of Life is a great song but the title of the song doesn’t really match this video. I don’t think a monkey and a lion would ever be friends. I’m calling bullshit! It’s one of my favorite Elton John songs…….I don’t who in the hell this whore singing is.
When You Wish Upon A Star:
I’m a real boy! I never got into Pinocchio. The whole plot seems a bit off to me. We got some old dude making little boy sex dolls and then one of his wet dreams comes to life when one turns into a real boy? That’s sick! I guess it really doesn’t matter who you are when you wish upon a star. #Sandusky
Ugly Bug Ball:
Here’s a random one for you. Not even sure what’s this from but it’s great. I think Cee Lo Green should check out this ball. The dude looks like a ugly beetle.
I said "forget you"! You damn bug.
I said “forget you”! You damn bug.

Never Smile At a Crocodile:
Christopher Walken hates crocodiles!

A Goofy Movie’s soundtrack:
A Goofy Movie is probably one of the most underrated Disney movies ever. Not sure why. I mean it won like 87 Oscars! (Not sure about that number) here is 3 great songs. Eye to Eye, Stand Out and On The Open Road. Enjoy!


Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo:
You know listening to these songs back to back like this, make me realize that most of these songs just make up words. Walt Disney was just a poor man’s Dr. Seuss
The World Greatest Criminal Mind:
Love this song! The Great Mouse Detective only had 2 songs like this on it’s soundtrack. The other songs were just background music. But hey when you have such a classic like this who gives a shit about the other shit you have on your shity soundtrack.
*Fun Fact: The dude singing is Edward Scissorhands father.

Oogie Boogie Song:
I can’t even start to tell you how hard it was not to fill this list with Nightmare Before Christmas songs. So I just picked this one. I like Oogie Boogie…..still not sure what he is. Maybe a potato bag or something? Also is he some type of casino owner? But he sure can sing! The thing I like most about Nightmare is that it’s one of the few Tim Burton movies that doesn’t show his gay love he has for Johnny Depp
Well there you have it! Please keep in mind that this is called “Joshua’s Favorite Disney Songs” and not ” Some Random Asshole’s Favorite Disney Songs” so please don’t flip out if you don’t see one of your favorites on here but please comment below to tell me your list.
PLEASE LIKE FACE THE MUSIC
weed7

I Smoked Weed 2 Times.

 Legalize it!!!! That’s what people been yelling for years now and it looks like they are getting their way. How do I feel about it ? Weed to me is like gay marriage. I don’t understand why anyone would care so much about something that they would go out of their to stop other people from doing it. I just don’t see the big deal I don’t love it or hate it. I will say that I tried it 2 times (*weed not gay marriage btw) and each time was a night I will never forget.
1st Try:
 Ok I need to explain some things here. At this point in my life things were not going that great but the odd thing was how I didn’t even know that until much later. I was 25 years old and I was living in 1 bedroom apartment that I was paying way too much for. I just wasn’t happy at all. 5 days a week I went to a job I hated and the other 2 days I was drinking or just sitting alone watching tv. I don’t mean to sound so sad but that was my life sadly.
*Joshua
*Joshua

I started hanging out with this chick who was a d.j at a local college radio station. She was the coolest person I ever met. Everything about her was great……well besides her love for the band Phish. They’re songs are just boring and they can’t even spell! It’s f-i-s-h. Lay off the LSD guys. But let’s not get sidetrack.

Me and her started talking one day and I just mention how I never smoked weed. The look on her face was like if I just told her that I never had pancakes. You know that look right? “What you mean?! They’re fucking great! Are you from America? Let’s go to IHOP right now!” It’s that look. I just told her how I never got into it and doesn’t seem like something I would like. She said “Stop being an pussy and give it a try.” So with that great argument I decided to stop being an pussy and try something new.

If you never had these just kill yourself already
If you never had these just kill yourself already

The first step was buying some weed. This by the way was the one thing I will never understand. Like how do you meet these people that sell weed? Where do they get it from? It seems like a dark circle that I don’t want to get into. I mean have you ever seen the movie Blow? Shit gets real. I feel like I would get killed for asking way too many questions. “So where are you guys from?” “You like Kesha?” So to cut a long story short I just let her handle that part.

She gets back with the “stuff” and a bong. I was instantly scared when I saw that bong. It’s not that I never saw one before or anything I just knew right off the bat I wouldn’t know how to use it. She said it was easy. Now I can use a lot of words to describe a bong, easy is not one of them. I felt like a d-bag. I never got that put your one finger there and inhale thing down. It seemed like a lot of hard work and I was about to give up until……..

instruction manual not included
instruction manual not included

I took this one really big hit and I felt my brain move. I freaked out and we started playing war the card game. During the games (That I won.Just wanted to tell you that fact for fun.) I didn’t feel anything so I just thought that I did something wrong but was too scared to say something cause I didn’t want to feel my mind melt again. So she left and I started watching the hit movie Sgt. Bilko. If you haven’t seen this classic check it out ASAP!

During this Steve Martin masterpiece I started thinking about my life and how much I hated it. That lead to me thinking about how little I did in my life and etc and etc and etc. So anyways…………..I tried to kill myself and ended up in the hospital for 2 weeks.
Now I’m not saying that weed made me try to kill myself. I’m just saying it help open my mind to the fact that suicide might have been a great option for me. It was like hitting a reset button in my mind. My life was a mess and it was so bad that I didn’t even know. Weed help me open my eyes to how bad it was. My life didn’t get 100% better right after this by any means. I still had years of ups and downs however weed knocked the asteroid headed for my earth off it’s course. I wished there was a less painful way……..but thanks weed!!!!!
So that was try number 1. I was happy I tried it but still thought it wasn’t for me and was pretty sure that was the end of my smoking career. Until 5 years later.
2rd Try:
 Ok fast forward 5 years later. A lot has changed in my life. I was in better shape,a lot more tattoos,I had a sweet beard and oh yea I moved to St.Louis. I moved there when I was 27 so I been have been there for about 3 years at this point and in many ways I still felt alone. However things were going pretty well for me for the first time since I moved. I been writing comedy which made me happy. I was just was under a lot of stress. I couldn’t put my finger on why. Maybe cause what I did made me be on social media all the time. Maybe it was the pressure of coming up with new topics for articles every week. If I had to pick one, I think I would lean towards this 3rd thing.
 Joshua Proctor was in love. Now a few side notes before I go on. There was one chick who I was crazy about for like a year but lived about 886 miles away so that didn’t work out and that hurt like a mother fucker. So to get over her I started hanging out with this one chick who was like 8 years younger than me. My goal was not to get hooked on this one like the first one but I did and it hurt. Not like a mother fucker but more like dropping a box of rocks on your foot. So by time I started hanging out with this 3rd chick I was done with getting attached to people. Or so I thought.
DO NOT DROP ON FOOT
DO NOT DROP ON FOOT

 

Anyone who knows Joshua knows that my perfect woman is Kesha. She is just great! Like everything about her. So nobody well ever be on her level but this chick came pretty close. I do this thing now where I pick out one thing I don’t like about a girl so I won’t get hooked on them but there was nothing there!!!!!!!!!!!!!…besides that little fact about how I would never end up with her and that hurt. So I was super stressed out and I needed some help. I thought about drinking a lot or doing something super crazy. Then it came to me! She smokes weed! I should it give it a second chance just to have something to do with her and it could help! It’s a win win for everyone!

I compare this second try to like getting a second tattoo. This time around I kind of knew what to do and what to expect. That was until I found out that we will be using something called a gravity bong. The advancement in weed smoking has change so much in 5 years I thought to myself. Just seeing this thing made me nervous. Thinking about it now gives me a headache. She showed me how to do it. The good news is that I did it in one try. The bad news is that I took the hit of hits. I tell you about the aftermath in a second however two things I remember from that night is her saying “Yea we probably should have started out with something smaller.” and her friend saying “A gravity bong??!! That’s like the worst thing you can start out with.” Both of which kind of made me feel better cause I wasn’t doing so well.

weed5

 

 Lets get back to that hit. Now I don’t know (and I hope I never) how it feels like to blow your brains out with a gun but I got to think it feels very similar. My face felt like it was on fire. I’m 90% sure smoke was coming out of my eyes. I coughed for about 7 minutes. The only thing I could say was how terrible it was. She told me “not to freak out”. Which was advice I used for the rest of the night.
The first time I smoked I was by myself when it kicked in. This time I was around people. You ever see the movie Shallow Hal? I only saw it once so I forget how he got that power he had but I’m pretty sure it had nothing to do with weed. I do recall that George Costanza was in it! But yea I think weed give me the same power that night. Not saying it made everyone look ugly and fat cause she still looked like one of the hottest chicks in St.Louis but what it did do was open my eyes. It made me ask myself over and over again “What in the hell are you doing?”. It made me see that I was going down a road that I have been down like 7 times and I already knew what was at the end of it. I probably looked insane standing there arguing with myself. It was me vs my mind and my mind was kicking the shit out of me. It made great points. It remembered things that I totally forgot about and in the end it was clear…..I was being a fucking idiot.
*I should point out that, I still think she is fucking great. She was too great that was the problem. I just didn’t want to get crushed again so I had to get out of there.
#ouch
#ouch

So that’s it the 2 times I smoked weed. The way I look at weed is like this. Weed is like that one friend who tells it like it is. Both times it made me take a step back and watch my life through the eyes of someone else. Each time I had it was hard to see but I’m glad I did it. So yea legalize it!!!!!!! Cause I guess my only knock on it is that I feel like I’m doing something crazy shady. So I hope they fix that in 5 years so I can enjoy my 35th birthday.