It’s that time of the year when you realize how lonely you are. Every year you talk about killing yourself but have yet to build up enough courage to tie that knot or pull that trigger. Well great news! I’m here to help. I came up with a list of the best songs to kill yourself to. So just jam out to one of these classic and they will make you even more depress than you’re already are! Just remember: NOBODY WILL MISS YOU.
Hurt by Johnny Cash
Mr.Cash went out on this tear jerker. The song seemed to be made for Johnny Cash to sing about his life. The music video is what puts it on the list. He is so old that when he sings about “hurt” I really think he is talking about falling in the shower or something. Also all of those flashbacks to his past make you think “Why does the Johnny Cash museum look like such a shit hole?”. I think the most depressing thing about the whole song is the fact that in the end Johnny had to reduce himself to covering the god damn Nine Inch Nails? Man…..
Only Time by Enya
Enya! What a fun name to say. Only if her songs were half as fun. This is a great song to put on during a long bath. You can sit there in your own dirt thinking about how much of your life you wasted on shit. (I.E: Buying Enya CD’s) I swear someone should hook Enya and Kenny G up. That would be the most happiest/saddest couple in the history of mankind.
This song makes me crazy sad, just for the fact that it was the theme to the last season of Friends. I miss you Ross!
Tell Laura I Love Her by Ray Paterson
What a crazy sad song. It got banned form the radio when it came out cause it was so dark. People in the 60’s where some huge pussies if they thought this was dark. No wonder why we lost The Vietnam War.
As much of a downer the plot of the song is I got to say I have been singing Tommy’s last words for days now. Man! That guy had some talent! He probably should have started a singing career instead of trying for a racing one.
One more fun fact, this song was such a hit that it had a sequel song by “Laura” called Tommy I Miss Him. Here is both of them.
Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven
1801! That’s what year this was made in and it’s still great. If you ever want to just sit in a dark room with a robe on and drink your life away, this is your song. It’s just long enough for you to get totally shit-face by the end.
Sadly for whatever reason when I hear this song now it makes me think of like car commercials or something. Beethoven would have been pissed to see the greatest thing he ever did being used to sell Volkswagon Jettas.
Without You by Harry Nilsson
If I was ranking these to the most depressing I got to think this song would be #1. Not sure who Harry was singing about but man alive she (or he) did a number on him. I guess he got them back or just somehow figured out a way to live without “you”.
Fuck It by Eamon
What happens when you break a thug’s heart? You get a great song like Fuck It. I was shocked how much they played this song on the radio back in the day. You couldn’t even hear half the song. I like the part about “You even gave him head” like to me it sounds like he is saying she never give him head and it comes off like he is super jelly of that dude.
Like most of these songs I have no clue what bitch he is singing about but he probably should be thanking her for cheating on him at this point cause this was his only hit he had…….so maybe her sucking off the dude to get her job at K-Mart was worth it.
Sylvia’s Mother by Dr.Hook
Probably the most outdated sounding song on here and I got a song from 1801 on here. The whole part about him needed .40 cents to continue the phone call. 1-800-Collect could have made a ad about this song.
Why is Sylvia’s mother such a cunt?
I think the video is a much watch just cause the song is so depressing and it looks like Dr.Hook is about to breakdown on stage. I got to point out that dude with the eye patch on. Well done,Sir! Really keeping up with that whole pirates theme. It’s also nice to see after 8 hard years of chasing flying boys and never smiling at crocodiles, Hook got his doctors. Congrats Dr.Hoffman!
*I went ahead and added that Disney classic on here. You’re welcome.
Seasons In The Sun by Terry Jacks
A very upbeat song about death. Terry sings about his dad and I’m guessing his daughter’s death. He also looks a lot like that dude from Highway To Heaven. The “black sheep” doesn’t understand how people can die when the birds are singing in the sky. Someone should have a Alfred Hitchcock night with him.
Mr.Lonely by Bobby Vinton
Bobby Lonely made the anthem to wrist cutting with this one. He cries about getting no mail. Sorry I got to call bullshit on that one, Bob! You get no mail? Maybe try checking your spam folder….fucking idiot.
This song always makes me think of Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Also of Akon. What a d-bag to steal a song from Mr.Lonely. F’n convicts
At Seventeen by Janis Ian
If you’re killing yourself cause you got dumped, At Seventeen is the song for you. The song is about being a ugly bitch (Janis’s words) and watching all the pretty people skate through life easy. Well Janis them the brakes but at least you found this out at seventeen.
Gravity by Sara Bareilles
Sky Scraper by Demi Lovato
Jumping off a building? What better songs than Gravity and Sky Scraper?!
When Water Comes To Life by Cloud Cult
Sounds like a song from Nightmare Before Christmas……if they had a song about their kid dying during birth.
Yesterday by Paul Mccartney
My favorite song by Sir Paul is also a great song to listen to while eating handful of pills. As I’m sure you already know, this song was on the Bean soundtrack. So it’s like that old saying “If Mr.Bean likes it then it’s a great song to kill yourself to.”
Taps by America
If this song doesn’t make you tear up then you must be in the ISIS…..and if you are please do us all a favor and behead yourself
Ain’t No Grave by Johnny Cash
We start and end with Cash. Is it mean to call him a liar? I mean I know one grave that is holding him down. But if he is telling the truth there is a zombie Cash somewhere walking a line. Who would have thought that Joaquin Phoenix was the king of suicide songs.
Well there you have it. I hope I was able to help. Please comment below if you think of any songs you feel should have been on the list.