Tag Archives: St.louis

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8 Facts About Hanukkah

It’s Hanukkah season!!!!! You know the holiday that everyone forgets about. Well here are 8 fun/real facts about The Jewish Christmas.

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1: Hanukkah celebrates the victory of the Maccabees or Israelites over the Greek-Syrian ruler, Antiochus about 2200 years ago. It is not about other great victories in Jewish history like:
The New York Yankees winning the World Series over The Mets
Bill Goldberg beating Hulk Hogan
Seinfeld winning a Emmy
Mel Gibson dying of cancer
Being undefeated at the game Monopoly
2: Each night of Hanukkah, an additional candle is placed in the Menorah from right to left, and then lit from left to right. On the last night, all the candles are lit. Also if you lit more then one candle on one night you will be sent to Jewish hell when you die. Jewish hell is also known as Germany.
3: During Hanukkah, families eat latkes(potato pancakes) and sufganiot (jelly donuts), or other foods which are fried in oil, to celebrate and commemorate the miracle of the Festival of Lights. On the other days of the year they eat potatoes covered in jelly.
The Festival of Lights is also a name of a Jewish rave they have each year.
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4: In Yemen, children went from house to house, tins in hand, to collect wicks for the Hanukkah Menorah.Unlike in the Adrian Peterson household where children go from house to house to collect switches.
5: In Germany, the eighth and last night of Hanukkah used to be very special. All the leftover wicks and oil were lit in giant bonfires. People sang songs and danced around the fire, often until the small hours of the night.
The key part in that first part is “used to be”. I can’t figure out why they stopped doing this. It may have something with the combo of Germany,Jewish people and giant bonfires.
6: Traditionally, Hanukkah is a time when children are encouraged and rewarded for their Torah studies. Consequently, it became fashionable to give the children Hanukkah money and presents during the holiday. What’s Hanukkah money? You might be asking. It’s money they get so they can go out and buy Christmas presents lie normal people.

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7: Except in times of religious persecution, the menorah was placed outside the front door or, as is the custom today, displayed in the window of every Jewish home. They did this so people would know which homes not to break into cause they had lame Hanukkah gifts.

8: Hanukkah is celebrated in the home beginning on the 25th day of the Jewish month of Kislev. Kislev is of course better known Novdecember. A Jewish year has 24 months. Like Junly,Sepocttember, Macpril and Janbruary.

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17 Songs Nobody Knows The Words To

It’s The End Of The World by R.E.M
Right,Right? Those are the first 2 words I can here clearly in this song. I think the beauty of I.T.E.O.T.M is that it’s so fast that people probably think that R.E.M is saying something really deep but really the song is most likely just about Andy Kaufman again. They really loved that dude. Also the video doesn’t give you any clues to what they’re saying. If I watched the video on mute (Which is a great way to watch most of R.E.M’s videos) I would guess that this song is about some homeless kid living in some type of meth house……Hey maybe they were on meth when they wrote this song.
Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam
A classic P.Jam song. It sounds like he is saying yellow bed wetter. That would have been a much better way to go. I don’t what a ledbetter is…..or care to look it up. Anyone who says they have any clue what is being said during this song is a god damn liar. I bet the members of Pearl Jam have no clue what the “lyrics” are of this song. I rather get killed by Jeremy than to listen to this song again.
Bennie and The Jets by Elton John
I love me some Elton John. He was like my Kesha before Kesha was my Kesha. But this song I always thought that maybe he did way too many shots of something before doing it. It starts off with him hitting some random key by mistake. I just like that fact that after he was done with the recording he was like “Yep that is the one we’re going to use…..NO! I don’t want to do it again! That was perfect!”
This song was also use to get me mad by my brother growing up. Being a life long New York Jets fan. My brother use to change the lyrics to “Better than The Jets” and that use to get me so f’n mad. Thanks Elton. You could have made it Bennie and The Pats or something.
Have You Ever Seen The Rain by C.C Revival (John Fogerty)
I added a video with the lyrics for this one. Just try to read along. It doesn’t even add up at some parts. Like it says sunny on the video but when he says sunny it sounds nothing like the word. To answer your question John, yes I have seen rain before
We Didn’t Start The Fire by Billy Joel
If there was ever a song to prove that lyrics don’t matter in a song it’s this one. He is for real just listing things that happened in each decade but my god it’s catchy! The video makes me ask a lot of questions like is Billy a ghost or or something? Or like a time traveler? Also what’s the deal with those crazy pictures in the back like the dude getting shot in the head or the slave tie to a tree? I feel odd jamming out and seeing someone getting lynched. One of the only parts I know is “JFK blown away!” I love shouting that part. Also who did start the fire? Must have been the some dude that let the dogs out.
Racks by Y.C
Might be the worse out of all of these songs. Racks I think is about money or he might be talking about tits or maybe real racks. I really don’t know cause I can’t understand anything he is saying. You would think with all of that money he could have gotten some subtitles for his video. I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE ENGLISH VERSION!
Informer by Snow
I don’t think I need to waste time talking about how you can’t understand anything he is saying in this song. At one point I think he says “lick your boom boom”. I just want to point out some fun things from the video. Like the name of his album. 12 Inches Of Snow? Man, someone thought highly of themselves. The video also points out how far ahead Snow was for his time. Just check out that shirt he is rocking with the Sega Dreamcast logo on it. That didn’t even come out until like 7 years later! But my favorite is when he is locked up in the jail at the end of the video he doesn’t look like a badass rapper he looks like a pedophile
Pour Some Sugar On Me by Def Leppard
Within first second I get lost. Is he saying “Love is like a bomb?” and it’s all down hill after that. This is one of the songs that comes on at the bar and everyone just waits for the chorus. I don’t think anyone cares what the song is about, they just feel bad for the handicap dude playing drums in the band. I notice that they’re wearing Def Leppard t-shirts while they’re on stage in the video. Something about that just seems lame.
Louie,Louie by The Kingsmen
Pretty much every marching band in every high school played this song. I guess it should speak more how bad The Kingsmen were if any random group of teenagers can play and in many cases make your song better. All of The Kingsmen couldn’t piece a great song together again! That’s a Humpty Dumpty joke! Should I even ask who Louie was? Yea it doesn’t matter
Who Let The Dogs Out by The Baha Men
I feel like every list I make on here I have this song on there……..
Stacy’s Mom by Fountains Of Wayne
This song owned the radio back in 2003. After watching the video Stacy’s mom is a whore. Undressing in front of the window like that. No wonder Rod Stewart turned gay. (She was his wife btw) I like how he couldn’t want to jerk off until he got home. Who would do that in someone’s else bathroom? Just rude.
Karma Chameleon by Culture Club
Right off the bat. Are we really suppose to believe that Boy George could walk around Mississippi in 1870 looking like that? He couldn’t even walk around like that in Mississippi today without being shot at. The video looks like it is based off of the hit movie Maverick. I’m sure Boy George and Mel Gibson would have been great friends
Thong Song by Sisqo
Remember Sisqo?! We all thought he was the second coming of 2-Pac after this was released…..no? Just me? Well after watching this video I will have to question his choice in clothes. All silver dude? Just saying that maybe that thong that his daughter found at the start of the video was his.
Soak Up The Sun by Sheryl Crow
A great feel good song. Every time I hear it it makes me think of summer and just hanging out drinking. Drinking is what Miss. Lance Armstrong must have been doing while writing this song. It puts you such in a great mood that you really don’t care that none of the other lyrics make any god damn sense.
Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani
Gwen was once in a band called No Doubt. They made some great songs but Gwen thought it would be a great idea to make the opposite type of songs. That’s how Hollaback Girl was born. It does help teach people how to spell banana. Outside of that it’s almost heard to listen to without wanting to hang yourself. My favorite part of the video is when she says how she isn’t a hollaback girl while driving around in a car that says “hollaback girl” on the hood. Huh?
Can’t Touch This by M.C Hammer
Why is this song soooooo long? Like what the hell? The video starts out with people handing Mr.Hammer a lot of awards. Awards I’m sure he sold so he can pay his Rent-A-Center bills.
Whoomp! by Tag Team
Tag Team back again!……Were they here before? Tag Team or as I call them the rich man’s N.W.A made this classic and never looked back since. Mostly cause nobody ask them to come back. The video looks like it was made at some type of rave/basketball game/circus. I can only imagine what they said when they saw the finished project. Tag Team broke up in 1998 after one member turned on the other during a match with The Nasty Boyz.
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I Hate Joshua Proctor

Having bi-polar is not fun. Anyone who has battle with it could back me up on that. For me it gets really painful and darker every time. This is a day by day journal of my last week fighting depression. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

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Nov 21:
“Today is going to be great!” that was my first thought I had on this day. It turns out that I was very very wrong. I have been working on being a better person. It’s pretty hard! I don’t see how Kesha and Stone Cold Steve Austin became so perfect cause it seems like a lot of hard work. I believe one of the most important things about becoming a better person is trust. People need to trust you and you need to trust people. The point of this article isn’t what happened that lead to my depression so I’m just going to skip that part if you don’t mind.
The one thing I will tell you is that what happened made me trash that whole “better” person plan. There is no fixing Joshua Proctor. Even at his best he still finds a way to fuck everything up. He is like the real life Kramer. Well minus the racist part. I just keep on repeating to myself “When is it my turn to be happy?” and after about the 27th time asking that question I realized the answer was never.
Nov 22:
I woke up with a pit in my stomach around 7 a.m. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I just wanted relax and try to get back to normal (or what I can normal) but after about 3 hours of trying, I thought of a great idea! Something that will help me get my mind of how much I hate Joshua Proctor. I will take some of these razor blades and cut my arms up! GENIUS!
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Now there is a art to cutting yourself. I could just take a razor and slash my wrist. I did that before and it’s very painful also it doesn’t really seem to help. The point of this is to get my mind from thinking and to focus on the pain I’m doing to myself. That’s where the art comes in. You have to cut deep enough for it to hurt and bleed but not deep enough for you to hurt yourself too badly. Also just don’t cut the top of your arms like some type of pussy.
So there I was cutting myself every 30 minutes. I would do as many cuts I can do in a 10 minutes and then watch some tv. It reminded me of a thing I heard one time. “If a crazy person know that they’re crazy are they really crazy?” I bring that up cause at one point I was sitting there in my apartment with the only light being from the tv showing the Harvard vs Yale football game,drinking beer,cutting myself and laughing for like 6 minutes at some Sonic commercial. Those dudes are fucking funny! But yea that was my Saturday.
Nov 23:
The pain of cutting yourself over 70 times really seems to kick in overnight. Needless to say I didn’t sleep to well however I have a big day of ahead . Sundays are my favorite day of the week. I got football,Walking Dead and tonight WWE is having a PPV. I also made a game up for myself to play. Every time one of my players from my fantasy football team scores I will cut myself 6 times and every time a player from the dude’s team I’m playing against scores I will cut myself 12 times. Again I’m a genius! I never hated Steven Jackson so much in my life.
Another thing I noticed on Sunday is how much I’m addicted to cutting myself. I use to do it all the time back in the day and I just remember hated it. However I felt excited about cutting myself so more today. Maybe that means it’s working? I’m starting to see how people get addicted to drugs. Waking up the morning after sucks but just thinking about that razor cutting my skin just makes me feel great. I know it sounds crazy by the way so no need to tell me. I think maybe I just enjoy hurting myself cause I blame myself for being depress. I’m the dumb fuck who keeps catching feelings for someone or trusting people so the pain is there to remind me how dumb that is. One more thing I noticed today is how scared I was from myself. I have been down before. But it has never been like this. I’m really scared that I might really hurt myself this week. The sad part is that I want to talk to someone but I don’t have anyone to talk to cause I’m jackass so the only thing to do is to hurt myself. Talk about your catch 22’s!
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ouch………..
Nov 24:
Today is going to be rough. I got no beer and no football. Just me,a lot of time and of course my good friend Razor Ramon. I named the razors after one of my favorite wrestlers. The first 4 hours of the day I sit there and cried. I don’t even know what I was crying about. I just wanted the pain to stop. It felt like someone was twisting the inside of my gut. Also I guess I should point out that at this time I haven’t ate any food in 2 days. I just needed something to get my mind off of this………
razor
Then it happened. Monday was of course the day of the Darren Wilson verdict. It’s not going to trial. So there I was watching people tear apart their own town cause they were mad at someone else. I was watching it while my arm was bleeding all over my floor. I said to myself “How does this help? How does burning down buildings in your own town help? It doesn’t make any sense.” That’s when I looked at my own arm and all of the cuts I did to myself and thought “You’re a hypocrite” Just one more reason to hate Joshua Proctor.
Nov 25:
It was like sleeping in a war zone last night. Ferguson is about 10 minutes away from my apartment. All I could hear were helicopters and police cars. I watched some of the fires from my balcony last night before going to bed. I watched them burn for a long time. It might sound odd but it put my mind at peace.
The first thing I did today was turn on CNN to see how much St.Louis is still standing. Watching this last night and right now made me remember how much I hate the news. It almost feels like that maybe they were excited that something like this happened just so they can have “news”. It seems like they find the dumbest people when they’re trying to fill time. Like the person who want everyone to boycott major retail stores on Black Friday and shop only at black owned stores. This of course coming about 6 hours after they burned down nothing but black owned businesses. So with that idiot and then after I seen this “breaking news” I was done with the news until the next riot.
Wait?! What!?
Wait?! What!?
Back to my problems now. After last night I made up my mind that today will be the last day I will be cutting myself. I was going to go all out and try to cut all of the depress thoughts I had out of my system. I know it sounds like a great plan, right? During the cutting marathon I thought about how everything will work out. But then how everything working out isn’t good enough. I don’t it to work out, I want it to be fixed. The only way to fix things is to change everything about me. That means no more people in my life. It sounds sad but these last few days made me think how maybe being alone is the way to go for me. If I’m alone nobody can hurt me besides myself.
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I also starting wearing this so I can use to them for next week. I don't want anyone to know I'm crazy
I also starting wearing these things, so I can get use to them for next week. I don’t want anyone to know I’m crazy.
I cut myself so much today that I vomited. I looked at it like drinking. You ever vomit when you drink too much and you feel better after? That’s how I felt. Once I was done. I ate some food. Which is a pretty big deal since I went 3 days without eating. I had 2 slices of pizza and a Coke Zero. It was the best meal in the history of time. Hot tip! You need to eat food. It makes you feel a lot better.
Nov 26:
It’s Thanksgiving Eve! Why do Christmas and New Year’s only get to have eves? I think all holidays should get them. From Thanksgiving to Flag Day. I don’t even understand what “eves” are or the point of them. Cause where would it end? “Oh it’s not Monday it’s Tuesday Eve.”
 Here are some pictures of what I did today…enjoy!
I played dress up all day today with my old clothes.
I played dress up all day today with my old clothes.

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I played dress up with my old clothes. MADDEN TOURNAMENT CHAMP!
MADDEN TOURNAMENT CHAMP!
I feel like shit today. Like all I can think about is cutting myself and I’m trying really hard not to do that. I need to hurt myself……I need to get my mind off of me. So instead of cutting myself I just worked out in the gym in my apartment building. I did a extra hard, a extra long workout. The goal was to make my body hurt. It worked. Not only did it work but after for the first time in 5 days I felt happy. It didn’t feel right at all. Like who am I to be happy? I’m the worst. But fuck it…….lets watch some King Of Queens and get ready to be alone on my favorite holiday.
It also snowed today. Is it ironic that the building right across the street from me is a mental hospital?
It also snowed today. Is it ironic that the building right across the street from me is a mental hospital?
Nov 27:
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!! A day to be thankful for. I’m feeling good. A lot of football to watch. Also today was the first time in almost a week I went outside. I just got a 18 pack of beer but I still think it’s a big step. Being inside so long I can’t really knock those shut-in people anymore. Outside is so cold and loud. I don’t understand homeless people. Like why do they enjoy it so much?
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During this whole time I haven’t been online once. I put my Ipad and phone in my closet. I almost looked today to see if I got any “Happy Thanksgiving” messages. I was a bit scared to look cause if I didn’t get any that would probably make me sad however getting some might trick me into thinking that this is over, so I’m better off not knowing. I don’t want any setbacks. My goal is for Sunday to go back online and start writing again.
I haven’t cut myself in a few days now and the feeling that I need to is gone I think. Drinking and watching The Eagles kick the shit out of The Cowboys made me feel a lot better as well. I’m just can’t enjoy being happy. It’s just cause I have a feeling that once I get back to writing and back on Facebook it’s all going to come crashing down. I hope I can use these next couple of days to get my mind ready and I hope that I can stick to my new plan.
Thanks for helping me out today Mr.Romo!
Thanks for helping me out today Mr.Romo!
Nov 28:
7 days since all of this started. I look back a week and look at myself now to see how much better I feel. Not saying I’m 100% better. I mean there are still cuts on my arm. I have a lot of extra energy today so I cleaned my apartment. Just keeping my mind busy is key. When I’m bored that’s when I get depress. You would think that would make me write some more but I’m not ready for that yet. I did make the decision of taking a walk today. I figure going outside could do me some good.
I started my walk and within 10 minutes I became overwhelmed with anxiety. Pretty sure I was having a panic attack. I felt dizzy and had to stop for awhile. All I could think was “Great Joshua you gave yourself a new disorder.” After relaxing at a bus stop I got up and finished my walk.
I said on Sunday that I will be back to my old self but after today I don’t think that’s happening. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t know what I’m going to do? Am I really never going to go back online again? Of course not that’s dumb. However I do think that maybe Sunday could be pushing it. I might just need to get back on that horse as soon as I can. I got some thinking to do in the next few days. Once again I feel like if I had someone to talk to it would make this a lot easier but I better get use to this lonely feeling.
Nov 29:
I started today by jumping the gun on my not talking to people thing. It’s funny how talking to the right person about anything can really turn your mood around. I feel so much better just hearing a voice of someone else. I was in such in a great mood that I went for a walk and this time no panic attacks! That’s huge.
Just being in a better mood feels nice. I’m not saying anything like I’m all better. I just need to find a way to cope with my depression better. I don’t think cutting yourself is a great way to good…..it did help but still. I feel like the dude from A Beautiful Mind but not as smart or the chick from Homeland (R.I.P btw….sorry about the spoiler) but not as cute. The point is that maybe I’m going to have to deal with my mental illness for the rest of my life even when I’m not feeling down or blue.
Sorry for the lack of laughs in this article but I felt the need to share this with you to show you my weekly battle with my mind. Writing this during the past week was the one thing that somewhat keep me sane. I hope I never have to do this again but I know that’s unlikely. If I do I will try to make it more fun for you. Like maybe add a word search or a maze in the middle of the article. Thanks for reading.
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A Musicgiving Feast

Thanksgiving is coming up soon! My favorite holiday. What other day is all about food and football? Besides every Sunday during the NFL season. Are you looking for some music to help your hunger until turkey day? Well here is a list of songs and bands that have something to do with food that should help…….also may I suggest you eat real food until then.

Meat Loaf:
Hey turkeys are not cheap. If you’re trying to save some money this Thanksgiving buy some meat loaf. The best way to describe meat loaf is to think of someone cooking a rat poorly and forcing you to eat it.
Now Meat Loaf the artist is the man! He was in the movie Fight Club. He was the dude with the huge jugs. Probably my favorite line in the movie was “Go home your tits are too big.” Oh yea he also made a song or 2. Here is one of them.
Cherry Pie:
The king of pies (Sorry blueberry) will always make any dinner better. The best cherry pies are made by the world famous chef Little Debbie. The only thing she makes that taste better are her Zebra Cakes. Which are also great for Thanksgiving.
The song Cherry Pie by Warrant is a pretty great tune. I do have a funny feeling that the song isn’t really about cherry pie but about something else. The song has been overplayed so much that the sound of it makes me want to vomit. They should make a song called pancakes. I can’t get enough of pancakes.
Cranberries:
My favorite Thanksgiving food. It’s great cause they take about 30 seconds to make. All you need is a can opener and know how to use a can opener……it’s harder then it looks. I hate people that put things in the cranberries. I mean don’t play god! That’s like drawing on the Mona Lisa. It’s already perfect. Let it be.
The Cranberries are a great band from the 90’s. If there was a movie made about falling in love in high school they were on that soundtrack. Here is their song Zombie. I think someone should do a cover and name it Walker #walkingdead
Laffy Taffy:
Let me start off by saying if you’re serving Laffy Taffies at your Thanksgiving you might be at rock bottom. Laffy Taffy might be the worse candy ever made. It was like eating glue. Glue that was flavor like shit. The person that made these things must have been the same guy who made Subway. F’n bastard.
If there was anything that could be worse than the candy it’s the song Laffy Taffy. Made by the great D4L, who are also known for their hit songs like Skittles and Smarties. Sadly D4L all died from diabetes.
Corn:
The gold of vegetables. Corn is great. Not for a main meal but it goes with anything. It’s like the Will Ferrell of vegetables. It great when it’s not the main food in the meal and if it is then the meal is going to be a 2 hour disaster however still going to make millions of dollars for a sequel to be made of the dinner.
The band Korn was pretty great. Yea I said was. I know they’re still around. I wondered why they spell corn with a K then I saw what they ate for lunch
Korn
Kupcakes
Kake
Katsup
Some kan foods
Kit-Cat Bars
So it makes sense now also they probably should change their diet. They’re having cupcakes,cake and Kit-Kat bars for lunch?
Cheeseburgers:
If America ever think of getting a new mascot I think a cheeseburger might win. Sorry bald eagle but I bet you taste good. It was always a dream to have cheeseburgers on Thanksgiving. Maybe one day I will reach that huge goal. Also I don’t of anything better then when you’re drunk and you have some White Castle. I’m pretty sure that’s what they had at Jesus had at his last supper
Cheeseburger In Paradise by Jimmy Buffett is a really cute song…..and then you hear it again and again and again and again and again and then you start to think of how to murder Mr.Buffett.
Red Hot Chili Peppers:
I hate spicy foods. I never could understand how people got enjoyment from eating food like this. Why not just eat matches or candles? Here is a clip of what I mean enjoy!
Now The Red Hot Chili Peppers is a band that I think got better with time, kind of like peppers. (I don’t know how peppers work) I do feel like Flea is a bit overrated but that’s a different topic for a different article.
R.C Cola and Moon Pie:
Talk about your great food combos! Is there anything better than drinking some R.C Cola and eating some Moon pies? The answer is yes. There are a lot of things better. But you can’t beat the price. You spend $10 on these things you could be eating like a king for months! By king I mean a homeless person.
Andy King made this song. To be 100% up front the only reason why this song is on this list is cause it had food in the title of the song. The song itself is pretty awful and leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Much like R.C Cola and Moon pies.
T.V Dinners
Does anyone want a Hungry Man? It’s a pound of food! My favorite part of them are when you bite into your mash potatoes and the middle is still frozen. Somehow that cherry treat always seems to make the all that e.coil you get worth it.
ZZ Top made this song one day when they had 45 seconds to kill. The video is a must watch. I feel like ZZ Top was trying to be deep or something. Dudes just keep to making songs about legs and dressing well and leave the deep shit for bands like The Monkees
Spam:
Nobody likes Spam. The food or in e-mail form. If you know anyone that likes Spam get rid of them. You don’t need people like that in your life. Fun fact about Spam. Did you know that the people the ISIS are beheading have the option of eating Spam or getting their head cut off? So far they haven’t open a can of Spam yet.
The genius Weird Al made a song named Spam. It has the beat of some REM song. How in the hell did Weird Al make so much money. All he did was take a song and add “funny” words to it. The best thing he ever did was bang that whore from Wheel Of Fortune
Ice Cubes
Alright I might be pushing it by putting ice cubes on the food list but I think ice cubes are more like food than Spam is. Now the rapper Ice Cube was just a angry dude back in the day. He had such a bad attitude that he was in NWA. Which was pretty cool cause I was huge wrestling fan. I wonder if he ever had a match with Flair?
He is just one of those dudes that anything he says would come off as angry. Like this song. I really think he is just saying today was a good day. Some other songs off of this album are:
Oh hey! How are you?
That was some great cake.
I cried when Bambi’s mother died.
It’s a lazy Sunday
Look at that kitty! He’s so cute.
Well here is the menu for this Musicgiving:
Meat loaf
Cherry pie
Cranberries
Laffy Taffy
Corn
Cheeseburgers
Red hot chili peppers
R.C Cola (with ice cubes)
Moon Pies
T.V dinners
Spam
Now that’s a feast! Sorry Charlie Brown but I think I got your Thanksgiving beat. Now go hangout with your fuck buddy Snoopy.
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15 Songs To Kill Yourself To

It’s that time of the year when you realize how lonely you are. Every year you talk about killing yourself but have yet to build up enough courage to tie that knot or pull that trigger. Well great news! I’m here to help. I came up with a list of the best songs to kill yourself to. So just jam out to one of these classic and they will make you even more depress than you’re already are! Just remember: NOBODY WILL MISS YOU.

Hurt by Johnny Cash
 Mr.Cash went out on this tear jerker. The song seemed to be made for Johnny Cash to sing about his life. The music video is what puts it on the list. He is so old that when he sings about “hurt” I really think he is talking about falling in the shower or something. Also all of those flashbacks to his past make you think “Why does the Johnny Cash museum look like such a shit hole?”. I think the most depressing thing about the whole song is the fact that in the end Johnny had to reduce himself to covering the god damn Nine Inch Nails? Man…..

Only Time by Enya
 Enya! What a fun name to say. Only if her songs were half as fun. This is a great song to put on during a long bath. You can sit there in your own dirt thinking about how much of your life you wasted on shit. (I.E: Buying Enya CD’s) I swear someone should hook Enya and Kenny G up. That would be the most happiest/saddest couple in the history of mankind.
This song makes me crazy sad, just for the fact that it was the theme to the last season of Friends. I miss you Ross!

Tell Laura I Love Her by Ray Paterson
 What a crazy sad song. It got banned form the radio when it came out cause it was so dark. People in the 60’s where some huge pussies if they thought this was dark. No wonder why we lost The Vietnam War.
As much of a downer the plot of the song is I got to say I have been singing Tommy’s last words for days now. Man! That guy had some talent! He probably should have started a singing career instead of trying for a racing one.
One more fun fact, this song was such a hit that it had a sequel song by “Laura” called Tommy I Miss Him. Here is both of them.


Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven
 1801! That’s what year this was made in and it’s still great. If you ever want to just sit in a dark room with a robe on and drink your life away, this is your song. It’s just long enough for you to get totally shit-face by the end.
Sadly for whatever reason when I hear this song now it makes me think of like car commercials or something. Beethoven would have been pissed to see the greatest thing he ever did being used to sell Volkswagon Jettas.

Without You by Harry Nilsson
 If I was ranking these to the most depressing I got to think this song would be #1. Not sure who Harry was singing about but man alive she (or he) did a number on him. I guess he got them back or just somehow figured out a way to live without “you”.

Fuck It by Eamon
 What happens when you break a thug’s heart? You get a great song like Fuck It. I was shocked how much they played this song on the radio back in the day. You couldn’t even hear half the song. I like the part about “You even gave him head” like to me it sounds like he is saying she never give him head and it comes off like he is super jelly of that dude.
 Like most of these songs I have no clue what bitch he is singing about but he probably should be thanking her for cheating on him at this point cause this was his only hit he had…….so maybe her sucking off the dude to get her job at K-Mart was worth it.

Sylvia’s Mother by Dr.Hook
 Probably the most outdated sounding song on here and I got a song from 1801 on here. The whole part about him needed .40 cents to continue the phone call. 1-800-Collect could have made a ad about this song.
 Why is Sylvia’s mother such a cunt?
 I think the video is a much watch just cause the song is so depressing and it looks like Dr.Hook is about to breakdown on stage. I got to point out that dude with the eye patch on. Well done,Sir! Really keeping up with that whole pirates theme. It’s also nice to see after 8 hard years of chasing flying boys and never smiling at crocodiles, Hook got his doctors. Congrats Dr.Hoffman!
*I went ahead and added that Disney classic on here. You’re welcome.


Seasons In The Sun by Terry Jacks
 A very upbeat song about death. Terry sings about his dad and I’m guessing his daughter’s death. He also looks a lot like that dude from Highway To Heaven. The “black sheep” doesn’t understand how people can die when the birds are singing in the sky. Someone should have a Alfred Hitchcock night with him.

Mr.Lonely by Bobby Vinton
 Bobby Lonely made the anthem to wrist cutting with this one. He cries about getting no mail. Sorry I got to call bullshit on that one, Bob! You get no mail? Maybe try checking your spam folder….fucking idiot.
This song always makes me think of Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Also of Akon. What a d-bag to steal a song from Mr.Lonely. F’n convicts


At Seventeen by Janis Ian
 If you’re killing yourself cause you got dumped, At Seventeen is the song for you. The song is about being a ugly bitch (Janis’s words) and watching all the pretty people skate through life easy. Well Janis them the brakes but at least you found this out at seventeen.

Gravity by Sara Bareilles
Sky Scraper by Demi Lovato
Jumping off a building? What better songs than Gravity and Sky Scraper?!


When Water Comes To Life by Cloud Cult
 Sounds like a song from Nightmare Before Christmas……if they had a song about their kid dying during birth.

Yesterday by Paul Mccartney
 My favorite song by Sir Paul is also a great song to listen to while eating handful of pills. As I’m sure you already know, this song was on the Bean soundtrack. So it’s like that old saying “If Mr.Bean likes it then it’s a great song to kill yourself to.”

Taps by America
 If this song doesn’t make you tear up then you must be in the ISIS…..and if you are please do us all a favor and behead yourself
#America #Kesha

Ain’t No Grave by Johnny Cash
 We start and end with Cash. Is it mean to call him a liar? I mean I know one grave that is holding him down. But if he is telling the truth there is a zombie Cash somewhere walking a line. Who would have thought that Joaquin Phoenix was the king of suicide songs.

Well there you have it. I hope I was able to help. Please comment below if you think of any songs you feel should have been on the list.
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songs

19 Songs That Are More Catchy Than Ebola

 I don’t know if you heard but the zombie apocalypse has started down in Dallas. Man alive! I hate Tony Romo so much. The Ebola virus is here in America folks and it’s a big deal. Just ask Fox News. They will tell you! So to get your mind off of you dying a painful death pretty soon, I came up with a list a songs that are more catchy than Ebola……and some that are a lot more painful. That way before you turn into a walker (Walking Dead joke!) you can have the band Aqua in your head.
YMCA by The Village People
 We start off with a classic. The song is so good and fun to sing that we don’t even really listen to any other parts besides them spelling YMCA. The whole middle part is about them inviting dudes over to the YMCA locker room for what can only be described as a very long and a very naked steam shower. The only things might be more catchy than this song might be only found at the YMCA.
We Are The Champions by Queen
 Not sure what they are the champions of but this song is so fun to sing at bars when you win at pool. Not so much fun for the other person, but fuck them.This song will never be heard at a Cubs game.
Simply The Best by Tina Turner
 Kind of like Queen not sure what Tina think she was “better than all the rest” at…..I mean it can’t be music. Maybe acting? She did kill it in Thunder Dome!
Butterfly by Aqua
 I got a Aqua song on here and it isn’t Barbie Girl?! Yes and if you never heard this song before you will see why and wonder how in the hell were Aqua one hit wonders. The song itself sounds like a poor man’s Enter The Ninja by Ant Woord. Which is kind of bullshit cause Butterfly came out first…….but whatever.
I Love You by Barney & This Old Man by Some D-Bag.
 So the best thing about writing for Face The Music is that I get to find some real random songs like I Love You. I haven’t heard this song since I was a kid………DUDE!!!!! BARNEY IS A RIP-OFF! It’s just This Odd Man with different lyrics! Like WTF?! I thought Barney was all about imagination?

Runaway Train by Soul Asylum
 The soundtrack to the 90’s would have this hit on it.
Fun Fact: Soul Asylum made song named Runaway Bus that was on Speed’s soundtrack.
Superstar by Toybox
 Who? It’s Toybox! You know them! They had that song. You know! This one! It’s about them being superstars and being rich! Well if you don’t know them,swing by the Target near Atlanta cause that is where they work now.
Diddley-Dee by The Cartoons
 Oh it can get worse………Diddley-Dee is like Cotton Eye Joe if Joe had a huge meth problem.

Witch Doctor by The Cartoons
 They’re back!!!!!! Before I made this list I had no clue who these dudes were but now I think of them as one of the greatest things that ever happened to music and to mankind. Thank you Cartoons for sharing your gift with all of us.
Poundcake by Jay-T
 Ok I’m sorry but this song is way better than the food it’s named after. I just like how angry he is. JUST GIVE HIM SOME GOD DAMN POUNDCAKE! Nobody else likes it.
Mickey by Toni Basil
 Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey!
“OTHER LYRICS NOBODY KNOWS”
Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey!
“SOME BULLSHIT”
Oh Mickey you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind! Hey Mickey!
“……………………”
Heyayayay by He-Man
 If you have 10 hours to waste watch this……also get a fucking job.
You Don’t Know Me by Ray Charles
 The first slow jam of the list. Mr.Charles is crying about some bitch (who was probably ugly as hell by the way. I mean how could he know?” during this song but man it’s great.
Fun Fact: You might know Ray Charles from his role in the movie Booty Call.
Christmas Don’t Be Late by The Chipmunks
 Someone should really buy the Chipmunks a calendar. Christmas is on the same date every year you dumb rats. Well I guess if they were that smart they would ask for something better than a hoolahoop……I mean hello! PS4!
Hot In Here by Nelly
 Every list I make Nelly always finds a way to get on them. Hot In Here is of course from his best album ever Now That’s What I Call Music VOL. 11
Dominick The Donkey by God
 If the list was most underrated songs ever this would be number 1. The plot doesn’t really make any sense but you cares you will be singing it until Christmas 2034.
Unforgettable by Nat King Cole and Natalie “Princess” Cole
 The King!
Fun Fact: King Cole and Sam Cooke were like besties
The Duck Song by A Duck (#duh)
 A f’n classic!!!!!! The number of views on this video will make you question life
*also look out for The Duck Song 2 on the side!
Friday by Rebecca Black
 I’m no doctor but this song has to a lot like brain cancer. You can’t just get it out of your head and you know it’s killing you. I’m 100% sure a 6 year old wrote this song but man did they do a great job! The song makes everyday feel like Friday! It also makes you look like a asshole when you’re singing it.
Rebecca Black loves this song just cause Fridays are the only day she has off from working the corner for coke money.
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Follow Face The Music on Twitter: @facethemusicstl