Christmas is the Kesha of holidays. It seems to start earlier each year. This year I think I saw a tree up on July 5th. It’s a huge deal here in America. The music however………..It’s not that great. The ones that are good get played to death. So I made a list of Christmas songs that you don’t hear every year or never want to.
R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas:
Now I’m going to try to not to tear each song apart but a Christmas Star Wars song? It doesn’t even make sense. Star Wars takes place a long long time ago. That means before Christ! I mean Kesha wasn’t born until the 80’s!!! Also fun fact about this “song”. It’s Bon Jovi singing it!
Barking dogs singing We Wish You A Merry Christmas:
After hearing this, I’m a huge Michael Vick fan.
I Think You Might Like It:
Remember that one Christmas when you got nothing you wanted? You thought that was the worst X-Mas ever? Well John Travolta is going to try his hardest to make you forget about that day with his gift of ear cancer.
How much money does he need?! I mean I hope he got paid and didn’t pay to do this shit. After watching this trash I can see why both of these dicks weren’t asked to be in Grease 2
Ring The Bell:
For those who don’t know. I LOVE WRESTLING! But even I have to say this is fucking awful. I do agree with the title. RING THE DAMN BELL! STOP THIS SONG!
A Very Sara Xmas:
There should be more Christmas songs like this……….
I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas:
This lil brat needs to get a job. Lets just look past her being a bitch and focus on the video. What’s with her dance moves in the middle? I feel like she may want to get that brain tumor taken care of for Christmas and save the hippo for Flag Day.
I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ For Christmas:
Back to back rotten kids. At least this one is gettin nuttin. The list of things this kid has done all year make me believe that this must be a young serial killer. The twist by the way is that the family is Jewish.
NKOTB! When I looked this up and saw that it was 5 minutes long I was pretty pissed but after listening to it I was ready to track down all 5 members and murder them. WTF was Mr.Wahlberg and the gang thinking?! They should have named this song Shity,Shity X-Mas.
Someday At Christmas:
Someday At Christmas is like the rich man’s War Is Over by John Lennon. That being said doesn’t Stevie sound like a chick in this song? Like my god. It kind of makes me feel even worse for him. Not only is he blind but he sounds like a bitch? Why does god hate him so much?
All I want For Christmas:
I know that this is a pretty famous Christmas song but man alive!…..The video! I don’t follow Justin Bieber but I thought dancing was one of his things. What in the hell is he doing? He looks like he has special needs. The whole thing seems like a very cheap J.C Penny ad. Which would make it a very rich K-Mart ad.
Come On Christmas:
Do you need a Christmas song to kill yourself to? Well I got one for you! Come On Christmas by Dwight Yoakam is just the song you need while you’re hanging yourself cause the only Merry Christmas texts you got were from a wrong number and the one you sent from your second phone.
The Christmas Songs:
You know what Christmas needs more of? The Hoff! David is such a genius. Instead of just making a new Christmas song he just took old ones and ruined them! Thanks Mr.Rider! I do dig his Han Solo look he is rocking in the video.
The Christmas Shoes:
Just voted the worst X-Mas song ever. Christmas Shoes is about some loser buying his mother some Vans for Christmas. The thing that makes the whole song sad is that she wanted Converse.
It Must Be Santa:
0: The number of fucks Bob Dylan gave while doing this trash.
Please Daddy Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas:
Best title ever! John Denver begging his dad not to get drunk is pretty catchy. Fun fact: John Denver’s dad was a drunk and he was also the pilot of John Denver’s plane.
Well there you have it! I hope you have a very Kesha Christmas and a Stone Cold New Year’s!!!!!!!
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